Thursday, September 15, 2011

what do you share with others?

These days I have a lot of spiritual stuff going on in my wee little cranium and I’m finding it challenging to articulate my thoughts with others about spirituality lately …

In fact, during my vacation with my best friend, I actually had a somewhat heated discussion on this topic. She’s frustrated that I don’t really talk about my training and spirituality with her but I find it hard to talk to her about it because so much of it is stuff she can’t really relate too.

Her response: “just because I’m not doing it, doesn’t mean I can’t understand it.”

But here’s the thing. I don’t know that she can really understand it. She can listen. And give feedback. But since I so often end up feeling like her feedback/response reveals that she hasn’t really grasped the nuances I’m trying to convey, I just end up feeling like we’re having 2 different conversations with me explaining, rationalizing, qualifying, etc. So now I tend to avoid the topic because it just becomes a one sided conversation with too much of an uneven balance.

And sometimes, well to be honest, it just feels like to much work to teach first in order to have a conversation about a given topic. Sometimes I just want to talk to someone who already has a framework to understand what I’m working on or puzzling out. I teach all day and there are days that I just want to leave my teacher’s hat to the side and have a shared dialogue or be taught. Sometimes it’s just draining to be the one who is always giving more in the conversation in terms of knowledge and inspiration.

On the other hand, maybe I do her a disservice and I prevent the gods from using others to teach me things because of this. But I can find it very hard to share the revelations, discoveries, or practices (sensations, progress, and road blocks) with others, particularly those who have no experience or context to base their listening/reactions upon. Its one thing to talk about guided meditation or your study of mythology, but another thing entirely to start debating the theoretical nature of Goetic spirits (are they good, evil, should you explore or leave them alone, etc) or the subtle differences in energy you felt in last week’s practice that felt like a fantastic breakthrough, only to have the gods knock you back on your ass and ignore you this week. You know?

How do you deal with these issues? Are they issues for you? Some days I love my path, and others, well I find it a bit alienating because of this. What about you?

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6 comments:

  1. I do feel the exact same way. I would love love love to have a group of women to get together with and be able to talk about my path and god/ goddess without feeling like they are thinking yeah right or having to try to explain everything first and get that look. It is hard and maybe that is why I am having such a diffucult time with defining my path. Blessings

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  2. I use to have a woman's study circle that lasted only for one summer because a lot of the gals went off to college or had other things come up, but while it lasted it was wonderful. I do miss that. I like the structure of it and the sitting around drinking tea and looking through tarot cards, doing readings, having deep discussions and everyone relating to what you're saying, or at the very least understanding what you are talking about and having true interest in giving to the conversation.

    I also think that since each of us experience things so highly personal and unique to ourselves, there may not be a way for us to connect on certain experiences with one another. I guess those are "gift" moments from the powers that be and the universe.

    Brightest and happy blessings to you,
    Bird http://birdsearthyspirit.blogspot.com/

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  3. I cannot really tell how to deal with it ... I really look for a way myself and I, too, miss having a circle of women to discuss all these things with - and sometimes just be stupid together and make jokes about all those things others don't understand.

    DH really tries hard to understand me and have an open ear for these matters and all but its really not nearly the same. And a discussion ... well, I reckon you can only possibly have a serious discussion when both parties have an interst and some knowledge in the matter.

    I try to write as much as I can so I can sort my thoughts at least with myself, but it really is only a raindrop in the desert ...

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  4. I was in a coven and it was wonderful having that bond to share.

    Now, I be a total Solitary. I still talk talk talk and get a "crickets" response or "the look" that I'm in a manic phase, but fuck it. Perhaps a seed will be planted and I will help someone else grow Spiritually.

    If not, then I can just be labeled a Manic Windbag. I can add it to the rest of my bullshit labels ; )

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  5. I took a small step last weekend and began to discuss with my brother and sister-in-law the changes in my beliefs.
    I tried to explain that I finally know what it is that I believe, it's not the religion we were raised in and the closest that I come to a religion is Paganism. After I explained a little bit about that, my brother asked me," Sis, are you happy?"
    I gave a sound, firm, heart felt, "Oh, Yes!"

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  6. @MamaL: I think that this is a common feeling. I'm sure that's why so many of us go online! But like @Bird mentioned. we are all walking such different paths, at different points or experiencing things differently, that even online it can be hard to connect in conversation!

    @migdalit: I know what you mean about the journaling. I journal constantly and it really does help with the process. But some days it's just nice to have someone outside of yourself identify things that we sometimes don't see cause we're too close to them. But I've found that if I go back a while later, I'm able to see things better. Journaling is super important to me!

    @Dark Mother: I think it's great that you're out there talking. It's important. I know as a newbie, I loved finding people who were willing to open up and share. It's a difficult balance to find but yay for those who find it!

    @Paulette: That's awesome. I'm so glad to hear it. I know that this has been a challenge for you and I'm glad that it was well met.

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