Thursday, March 29, 2012

meditation is hard work!

This is a little bit of what my morning meditation looks like every day that I haul my butt to my meditation chair. That's right, I said chair. I meditate in a chair, not on the floor, not on a mat, on a chair.

I use this chair (cause it fits me and my wee little black beastie perfectly).

me and the wee  little beastie, this morning just moments post meditation
Why?

Well, first and foremost comfort. I'm not going to lie to you. Sitting on the floor, all still and so on and so forth, makes my flat Dutch butt hurt (I don't make this shit up, I swear...).

And it keeps me awake and willing to do the practice. Cause let's face it, if I knew that I was in for 20 minutes of a sore butt and back... I'd be less inclined to do the work! I'm kind of lazy that way.

Plus, I'm a sloucher. Using the chair back helps keep my posture good (but apparently doesn't do much for my grammar). Whatever. Posture is important.

Why? Because it helps with your breathing and if yoga and meditation have taught me anything, breathing is important, especially when you're trying to do something that you struggle with!

I use my breath in asana (yoga poses) that I struggle with (hello boat pose, plank pose, how I love to hate thee) to help me relax and ease into a position just as much as I do in meditation when my mind gets distracted and chaotic.

In fact, my meditation routine often looks a little like this:

Breathe in, Hold, Breathe out, Hold... Repeat. Repeat. Oh, I wonder if I should do this at work today.

Damn it, Faye, Breathe in, Hold, Breathe out, Hold. Repeat, Repeat.

Huh, that swirl in the wood looks like a mushroom. Hmmm, and that one looks like an elf. I wonder if fairies live in my floor. Is that even possible?

Damn it Faye, Breathe in, Hold, Breathe out, Hold. Repeat, Repeat.

this is exactly what we look like, glowing lights & all! yup, that's right. we glow!
Is that even possible? I mean, could they be in another dimension? I wonder what that would mean? I mean, if this is all a dream...

Damn it Faye, Breathe in, Hold, Breathe out, Hold. Repeat, Repeat. 

I have to remember to blog about this. I wonder if I talked about this, would people be interested about that? Ok, wait a second, what are your intentions behind sharing that? Are the selfish or not? Are you convincing yourself that they're not selfish just cause you want to get attention?

Damn it Faye, Breathe in, Hold, Breathe out, Hold. Repeat, Repeat. 

Look, that swirl looks like an old man. Huh

Damn it Faye, Breathe in, Hold, Breathe out, Hold. Repeat, Repeat. 

Ok cat, your claws hurt. Hey, I should take a picture of the wee beastie and blog about it. Oh, and I need to write so and so about this program. I wonder if tutoring worked for this student, I should check in. Oh, I keep meaning to call..

Damn it Faye, Breathe in, Hold, Breathe out, Hold. Repeat, Repeat. 

You get the idea. Right? Yeah, I know you do. When I tell you that I think everyone should meditate and rave on and on about how great it is, please remember that it isn't easy. But it's still worthwhile because somewhere in between the self-flagellation that comes from my wandering mind and my focused breathing, comes little moments of insight about my nature, my path, my intentions. Like for example, what are my motives behind something, really honestly. And then the fact that coming back to my breath is a reminder on some level to let go of the agenda, of the attachment, and to act from the heart.

And that makes it worth it!

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