Tuesday, March 27, 2012

moments of doubt

What do you remind yourself of when you're going through those moments of doubt?

I really wanted to capture a feeling of serenity in this page, you know, in contrast to the feelings of chaos that doubt stirs up. Do you see my symbolic thinking at work? Ocean: waves, emotions, stirring up shit AND the idea of timelessness, flow, ebb, meditation. Ok, well ... those are the things that I think of when I think of the ocean. Maybe you have different associations!

I liked the blues, greys, whites because they just felt very Zen to me. The butterfly made me think of transformation, travel. And the flowers growth, fertility.

Yadda, yadda, yadda. You get the point, I think ...

Overall, I just wanted this page to reflect my belief that those moments of doubt can be windows of opportunity. They can open doors into insights that change who we are and how we view our world. And this has been a hard journey for me to arrive at because I have struggled with doubt even in the face of knowing and experiencing the divine in my life.

It has been easy for me to stray into the the zone of the cynical academic, losing sight of the awe and wonder of the magical. Finding my way back to the place of knowing the divine again has been a journey that has challenged me repeatedly. And frankly, sometimes still does because I don't always just know. Sometimes it is just faith and faith alone that sustains me in those darker moments. And sometimes faith fails.

Ironic isn't it? That in some ways I feel the need to see, know, touch, feel the divine in my world: to have the miracle manifest and yet, the miracle only ever seems to manifest when we trust that it is there. We can only know something to be true when we let faith in long enough for it make us ready for knowledge. It's like we have to leave the door open in order for the gods to enter instead of demanding that they come in and prove themselves. And it can be so easy to lose sight of that.

Well, for me at least. Maybe you're totally different. Maybe you process doubt in a completely different way?


No comments:

Post a Comment

Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. Please know that I read each and every comment, and strive to respond to them all, as time allows!