Friday, August 10, 2012

quote of the week

via pinterest
Do you remember who you thought you'd be when you were young? Are you that person? And more importantly, when you think about who you are now, are you the person you want to be?

Sometimes I suspect the answer to this question always ends up being no.

No, I am not who I want to be. No I have done this, or I'm still like that, or I really need to [lose weight, be more focused, do more, be more, etc, etc].

But what if we stop and just see who we are now and celebrate that? I kind of suspect that if we did that more, we'd realize that we are that beautiful person we're supposed to be, flaws and all.

This year I promised myself that the word I would work on manifesting in my life was balance. Balance between the magical and mundane, the crafty and the academic, family and friends, work and health, living in the present and dreaming big. And I am. But sometimes I think that I forget that most important of all is balance between insecurity/neuroticism and confidence; learning to make peace with who I am, while striving to be more. More than who I am now, who I believe I am, what I think my limits are, and what is imposed on me by others (family, friends, work, life). So I get caught up on this quest to be better at the expense of seeing that I am already so much of what I strive to be, albeit beautiful in my imperfect versions of those goals.

But here's the thing: I find it hard to let go of the future goals and be here now. It is one of my biggest challenges (that and over thinking things. Can you tell? My excuse was that I was born in the in the Prince of Swords, which is characterized by thinking about thinking. If you're curious about what decan of the tarot you were born in, this link will help you figure it out).

Anyways, I'm getting sidetracked. Where was I? Oh yeah, being here now and appreciating who we are now.

Sometimes I think that thinking of the future is a sickness of the western mind. Dion Fortune, in the Mystical Qabala, says that the Qabala is the best method for the westerner to learn  through because it is built to work based on the framework of experiencing the world that westerners have. She argues that eastern traditions start where the Qabala ends, on the other side of the the abyss, before we are ready to understand the abstract realm of being detached. Ok, that's not exactly what she says, but I'm extrapolating here based on my interpretation of what she's written. [One day I suspect I'll come back to read this and scoff at my naive interpretation of her work, but hey, this is where I am now]. Anyways, the point that I'm fumbling about with is that I feel that there is something inherently ingrained in our acculturation process that makes us tend to look to the future more than the now; to look towards attaining enlightenment as the end goal, at the expense of seeing all the little moments that lead us there as being the true path.

Does any of this make sense?

I guess I just want to take a moment to remember that it's ok if you're not where you want to be yet. It's ok if you don't get there for a very long time. Because right now, you're on the journey and it's the journey itself that matters. We should embrace the beautiful, imperfect selves we are today, because they are part of who we will become tomorrow.


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