Monday, October 1, 2012

This Week I am: Sept 24th to 30th, 2012

Stars:

Sept 24th to Sept 30th , 2012
Sun in Libra, Full Moon
Moon in  Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces, Aries

Pathworking:

Meditation and community contemplation. 

I've come to the following conclusion: you can't stay in an unhealthy and unsatisfying relationship, even if sometimes it still has amazing moments because you're scared of being single and going it alone. So now I'm grieving but working on remembering that every door that shuts leaves room for another to open. And every relationship teaches us new and amazing things.

Creating, Planning, Trying

  • A photo wall collage, something that will look something like this staircase photo display
  • Art journal pages that work with the Qabalistic Tree of Life
  • More project life stuff

  • New ideas of community and contemplating a narrative project that might come from it (and it's a project that really excites me)


Viewing, Reading, Listening:

I can't say that I've been viewing much or even reading much right now. I've been obsessed with bejewelled and revisiting my love of Mazzy Star


Thinking, Realizing, Feeling:

I’m finally feeling calmer and more at peace with where I'm at right now. I've been angsting for a long time about the situation I mentioned above, questioning whether I'm ignoring my intuition or creating an issue where there is none because of my over-analytical nature. Now that I've started listening to my intuition again, I really feel like things have calmed down and I have perspective again. I always find it so intriguing how that happens. Today I was working with a student on an essay about denial and how when we deny things we prevent ourselves from taking responsibility for creating our own reality. 

Life is funny how things work, you know? I was so locked into this black and white thinking about commitment and vows that I couldn't see things objectively anymore. And now that I have made a decision, it feels like I can see the signs helping me to see things more clearly everywhere. Funny, isn't it. We spend all this time wishing for divine intervention and for the divine to guide us, and they are we just don't always see it because we get in the way!

All of this is making me realize that I need to trust my inner voice more than I do. I knew that it wasn't working but denied it for so long because I wanted it to work, because I felt like I didn't have other options, and because I thought I was just getting in the way of myself. And I was, just not in the way I thought!
 
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Gratitude:

  • To be blessed with friends who will let me weigh out my options so patiently and without judgement, who actually listened to the craziest of stories and supported a decision making process that was obvious but convoluted. I cannot even begin to express the levels of crazy or the amazingness of my friends who accepted the conversation without freaking out over it!
  • That I'm leaving for London in 2 days!
  • The air smells like Fall
  • For Ikea trips and family photos that remind me of my story
  • For an amazing husband that forgives the crazy and holds me when I cry and then makes me laugh and smile again. I am truly blessed in love and even though I sometimes forget it, I married an amazing partner.
  • For drinks with family that lead to hilarious bouts of laughter and story telling!
  • Surprise connections
  • For tears and friendship and the reminder that the smallest of actions mean more than I sometimes think (ie going to a coworker's family funeral viewing and seeing how much it meant to her even though I felt like I was imposing)
  • For a conversation with a women who is my friend and yet old enough to be my mother and the realization that sometimes age really doesn't matter
  • For the reminder of all the links and love that shape my world just when I feel like I'm

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