But my mother always told me to remember to live in the moment, to not regret decisions made in the past because you make them with the best of intentions based on the information you have at the time, and this has been something that I've cherished as advice because it's so easy to get caught up in the regrets of what if.
Finding a balance between dreaming big for tomorrow and being here now however, continues to challenge me. And frankly, I'll be honest, it continues to challenge my marriage because I constantly drive Mr Faye crazy with my myriad of plans, dreams, ambitions, and the need to talk about future hypotheticals.
If anything, marrying a man who is so different than me in this regard has been both a blessing and a curse. A curse because it can be the source of most of our personality based tensions, with me frustrated by his unwillingness to plan ahead and him frustrated by my need to be on step 5 when we haven't finished step 1 yet.
On the other hand, it is a blessing because it has taught me (and I suspect him though he might beg to differ) to see the world differently, to pace myself, to stop and ease up from time to time because my intensity can overwhelm people with a sense of chaos and urgency that they find stressful.
I'm always amazed by what long term relationships can teach us about ourselves in in life. I'm a big believer that people come into our lives to teach us things, and even if the lessons can be hard, they are worthwhile because they force us to grow and understand ourselves better.
Whenever I struggle to remember to be more present in the now, I am reminded of Mr Faye saying, "Faye, go slowly. Is this really something we need to talk about today, or is something else more important right now? Like cuddling on the couch together?" In case you don't know this, Mr Faye is quite the cuddler and believes that cuddling pretty much trumps everything else. And while sometimes this can drive me crazy cause I've shit to do people, it also is something I adore about him because he is always present and ready for love.
And this reminds me every day to be a better person, to put him first, to remember to be present in our relationship, even in the smallest mundane ways, which is something I carry with me (more and more) into my larger daily life.
Isn't love and life grand in the little ways that you can learn the simplest but hardest lessons?