I admit it, I'm fully a product of the instant gratification generation. I'd like to say that I'm not, but I am! Guilty as charged. So when I have to wait for things I don't do so well. I try to micro-manage things through learning and understanding.
This morning on my commute into work, I had something of a mini epiphany in relation to my latest bout of instant gratification angst: that it had to work out this way in order to be truly ready. Yes, yes, I'm talking about the baby thing (don't worry, I'll endeavour to not turn this blog into a baby only blog).
But I realized that the months of trying to figure out what's was going on with my body forced us as a couple to hash out some of the major issues facing us as parents to be. And more importantly, as my magical name that I took on at my initiation... (the time at which my body actually turned completely inside out and upside down... though it had been hinting at it for a while) suggests... I have taken on the role of not only doing the work to prove my devotion to the Great Work and proving my dedication, but also reminding my God form husband of his true nature before we re-create the world together.
What I find particularly interesting about this version of the godform that I have taken on, is how a propos it is to the process I have been walking this year with Mr Faye. So many of our conversations this year have centered on him claiming his own space and identity beyond his community and family, only to finally make a major break through this fall with him owning up to his responsibility in creating one of our more heated tensions in our relationship. Suffice to say, having the time to work through it this year, with him finally realizing his part in it, has made a big difference in our dynamic and has gone a long way in making me feel more relaxed about the dynamic we will create in our life together as parents.
So yeah, this morning I just realized that yeah, sometimes things just happen that way for a reason and I was profoundly grateful for that realization this morning.