Tuesday, May 29, 2012

packing breaks

Quick break from packing to show you what I've been up to:


Because I'm a glutton for punishment I decided to refinish our table and 8 chairs. Yeah. 8. It's a MUCH bigger project than I anticipated! OOPS.

And because every black and white kitchen needs colour, I have started this project (which is inspired by this)


What about you? What are you up to in your corner of the world?

Photobucket

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

quick update

Quick heads up: going on blogging hiatus while dealing with new home stuff.

Wish me luck, we inspect tomorrow. Fingers crossed everything goes well and we'll be moving soon! Woo hoo!

Photobucket

Friday, May 18, 2012

quote of the week

via pinterest
Been thinking a lot about the power of self-confidence these days. Sometimes we're our own worst critics and I've been taking a close look at some of my self-criticizing tendencies over the past few months. All of the ways that I say that I'm not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, spiritual enough, etc, etc, etc.

Ironically of course, we all know, is that it's easier for us to come up with lists of the things that are wrong instead of what is right; the things I can't do instead of the things I can.

So here are 10 random the things that I can do (in no particular order):

  • Make a mean dry gin martini (jigger and all)
  • Speak French 
  • Program basic HTML code
  • Basic sewing, knitting and crochet, which means I can make a baby quilt on demand in any of these formats!
  • Take pictures in manual mode
  • Travel to a foreign all by myself
  • Laugh at myself
  • Forgive even when I think it's impossible
  • Write an essay and even a graduate thesis
  • Drive stick shift

Here are 10 things that I believe that I am,  that I can do,  or will do one day:


  • Write a book
  • Kindhearted
  • Be a pretty dang fun mom
  • Do a real cartwheel(one day I will do this)
  • Truly know that I am beautiful
  • Be a High Priestess in my lineage
  • Sky-dive
  • Learn to cook real, authentic Indian food
  • Cook great veggie dishes
  • Raise a child who is open to the world
I'll leave it up to you to guess which ones I have and haven't done yet!

What about you? What do you need to remember to believe in your life?


Photobucket

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

This week I am

Pathworking: Circle casting and working with the Elements.


Viewing: Fringe. I so love the energy stuff that Olivia is doing lately. I dig it. It seems very witchy. 

Thinking: I've been thinking a lot about energy work, what the pentagram really means as a prayer of invocation or banishing and how freakin' amazing that is when you think about it for a bit. Yeah, I dig it. 

Creating: Random art journal pages and journaling that have nothing to do with anything really but are making me happy!

Planning: To sand and paint my dinning room table. The table and chairs will be white (either a white wash effect if it works, or just white if it doesn't). I'm thinking of recovering the seats something like this (multiple choices... I'm not sure if I want just one pattern of a few... but oh, the options are just so fun and divine): 

Spoonflower fabrics

Keep in mind that I'm planning on putting this table next to a room with a lot of black in it, hence my desire to really pull in a bold colour. I'm a colour kind of gal and the neutral palette will only take me so far! I want, no need, to live in a place that has some attitude and feistiness to it!

I'm going to attack the wood this long weekend. (yay for May long weekend here in Canada). Wish me luck! I'll try to remember to post pictures...

Reading: 

  • The Secret of the Emerald Sea by Heather Matthews, which super cheap and is fluffy but fun. I have to say that the first chapter was really unimpressive but otherwise it's been ok. I'm not expecting any great tale, but am enjoying some of her depictions of the Greek Gods. What I find really challenging when it comes to finding fun, entertaining, ADULT paranormal, witchy tales. Cause honestly, I'm not 15 and I don't need the PG 13 disclaimer/filter. Anyone have any juicy recommendations?
  • The Golden Ass by Apuleius, transl, by Robert Graves. Part of me loves the modern take on the tale, but the traditional lit geek side of me misses the more poetic language I would expect from a text of this period. I feel a little like something is off because the oral repetition devices that make sense in epic poetry just feel a bit redundant in prose. (That said, I think the original was prose...). The book was recommended to me as a magical allegory and I admit, that I'm working on it but having a hard time seeing past the literal meanings. Maybe when I get a bit further it'll click!


Listening: Calexico. Just sort of fits my quiet, contemplative moods lately.



Realizing: I think it might be time for a new tattoo... A big, over the shoulder lotus or a little elf hanging from my hairline on the back of my neck. (Think sprite like imp, hanging from my hairline like a kid on monkey bars with his tongue sticking out). What do you think? 



Photobucket

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Mid-May Goals


I'm working on making a few changes in my daily life... things that are simple. To start... a few goals for the 2nd half of May.

General Health and Well-being stuff
Drink more water
Journal more
Get outside more
Go to the gym 3x a week (currently managing only 1x)

Moving stuff
Redo our dining room table cause I hate it now!
Purge craft room pre-move

Spiritual Stuff
Working on circle casting at the moment

There are obviously other things I'm working on: colour based art journal pages, scrapbooking, getting ready to move...

But I just wanted to document a few so that I remember to check in at the end of the month.

What are you working on these days?

Photobucket

Monday, May 14, 2012

2012 so far

Life is about the highs and lows, right?

I sure hope so because life has been a study of highs and lows this past week. The work semester has finally wound down and I'm in my office this Monday morning, looking at an open schedule for the first time in weeks. Hell, let's be honest, months. [insert big melodramatic sigh of relief here].

must remember to take time to see the flowers (I need to see them before I smell them...)

This year has been a year of student relationships and being invested in my students' successes and failures more so than any other year. I have been ecstatic, heartbroken, frustrated, proud... etc, etc, with each of my regular students and their individual journeys. And while this is amazing, it also means that it's been a year of giving more of myself than I sometimes had within me to give at times and then negotiating the drained, emotional backlash that came with it when my body and mind and heart just couldn't handle it anymore. Don't get me wrong. I have an amazing job that reminds me regularly of how blessed I am to be able to make a difference and do something so important in the universe.

The reward: after 4 years of work limbo, a solid year of chaos (good and bad), learning to work between 2 bosses and feeling a bit like a pawn in the process,  my job is finally being made permanent and I will no longer go from one yearly contract to another. As of the end of June my job will be mine for good (or as long as I chose to pursue this particular path).

With all the work stuff has also come the house building adventure, wait, and living in limbo process. We finally have a date that the house will be finished: May 22nd. This is a month early, which is great. On the other hand, the impetuous being that I am... well I just assumed it would be done, we'd inspect, sign and move. NOOOO... alack, alas... nothing in life is that easy (at least in home building). We inspect and if there's anything wrong, we wait until they fix it to sign. So if you're all game... think happy thoughts that my house is going to be perfect when we inspect on the 23rd! Cause I need this people! I really do. I think that I've worked long enough on mastering the art of Zen in the last year of limbo. Yup, universe I have officially decided: this particular limbo must come to an end, sooner than later!

Really, June is shaping up to be a big month for yours truly.

And the baby stuff. The trying. The sense of not knowing my body. The mind games. The miscarriage. [oh yeah, I didn't tell you about that, did I? Well, it's ok. It happens, thank you for your concern... it's part of the process and I'm ok with it, I promise]. The process of watching my body heal and readjust. And the journey between knowing that this is ok and the internalization of said knowledge because there is a gap there for me and I'm really working on remembering, every day, or week, that it's ok to give myself and my body permission to relearn itself. Being an instant-gratification kind of gal, this is challenging for me.

Of course, I'll dip my toes into the subject of spirituality too... because after all I created this space because that's what I wanted to be able to talk about most. The past 5 (almost 6) months have been an adventure and I find myself, yet again, re-evaluating where I'm at within my own practice and within my spiritual community.

In terms of my own practice I have to admit that the last month has been all about yours truly losing the plot. I know something is coming through, some realization or new understanding, but I am biting back tooth and nail. I know this, and yet, I'm still resistant. I can see the light at the end of this particular tunnel, even taste how beautiful and happy it'll make me, but wow... I'm not making it easy on myself. I'm really not.

Do you ever go through this process? My analogy might not be the clearest but since it's what I've got as a means of explanation at the moment, I hope that it speaks to the idea clearly enough.

Let me give you a clearer, more pseudo-scientific overview of what my practice looks like right now:


Meditation
Avoidance:
Just feeling lazy, unmotivated, wanting to avoid at all cost, counting the seconds as I do it, doing it unmindfully
Doing the work:
Wow, it’s beautiful when I sit down and do it. I feel uber connected, happy, and grateful for the insights/harmony
Group
Negative:
Frustrated with group dynamics, bitter about internal politics, feeling left out, isolated. Unhappy with things that aren’t being well defined, done equally or equitably.

Positive:
Have a clearer lay of the land after discussing this with several parties, know that I’m not alone, recognize the heart within the group and the gift that I have within the community when I see beyond the current issues.
Doing the work
Not doing it:
Just feel guilty and unmotivated, partially due to the fact that I am feeling resentful about the group and this is impacting my motivation and commitment
When I do it:
Awed by how amazing and beautiful it is. Really feeling the connections and gift that being a priestess bring into my life. Keep telling myself to stop getting in the way of my own happiness
Internal dialogue
About negativity:
“Faye, you know you’re happier when you do the work, why are you your own worst enemy?”
About positivity:
“Remember, this is why you do the work, stop letting yourself undermine your own happiness… get back on the mat bitch, get back on the mat!”


Yes, I swear at myself. All the time. And I frequently use yoga references to talk about my practice/spirituality! That's just how I roll over here in Faye-land!

What this all boils down to right now is that a lot of shite is flying in my world and things are changing, and well, I'm not rolling with it so well. I'm trying. I'm working on remembering that you need to get on the mat and do the work most when you feel the least inclined to take the time to do so. But you know, if you feel like you're seeing a trend in my writing, art, etc... well it's cause that's where I'm at right now. I'm working on interweaving, or reweaving, all the loose threads pulling me every which way at the moment.

And I'm sharing it with you because I think it's important that the veil gets dropped from time to time so that blogland doesn't just seem hunky dory all the time. I believe in keeping it real! But also keeping it positive. And on that note, let me tell you about something beautiful that happened to me on my morning commute today:

On my trip home to BC in January, I picked up one of these lovelies because I love crystals. To me, the rainbows from crystals have a special place in my heart and have often served as moments of divine inspiration, confirmation, or remembrance.

from here

This morning when I was feeling a good dose of the grumps overwhelming me, my crystal went crazy and all of a sudden rainbows everywhere! Beautiful, make you smile, mini ambassadors of joy, all over my car! Insta-moment of happiness. This is what inspired this post this morning. These little rainbows reminded me to share the journey, remember joy, and be grateful that the highs and lows are working together to make my life full of love and meaning.

On that note, I wish you a happy Monday!


Photobucket

Friday, May 11, 2012

a colourful orange world

Orange... it seems like you either love it or hate it.

I definitely am less of a lover when it comes to orange but this week I have found myself thinking and working with orange quite a bit.


I've always typically associated orange with Halloween or with exuberance or awkwardness (because it's an awkward colour in that you love it or loathe it). But lately I've been really embracing the exuberance of orange, the somewhere in between energy of cheerful yellow and intense red. I've never thought of orange as the middle ground, the balanced location between 2 colours, but right now, that's working for me, both literally and metaphysically.

In terms of my pathworking, as you can see above, I've been working with orange and the west/water, from a hermetic framework (orange with blue). Those of you unfamiliar with what I'm talking about, have a look at the lesser banishing ritual (scroll down to the archangels, you'll understand what I mean then). Or, if you're an artist, think about this in terms of colour charts (complimentary). In working with water over the last few weeks, I've really found orange to emerge more and more in my world. It's pretty cool actually.

In fact, over the past week I've worked to spend a fair amount more time by the water and I'm really happy about the impact this is having on my life. I found a place by the water where I think I can do some morning meditations (see photo) and I've been dreaming a lot about water these days. And with that, there seems to be more orange, which is making me oddly enough, pretty dang content!

What about you, when you think of orange, what does it evoke?

Photobucket

Thursday, May 10, 2012

quote of the week

via pinterest
I thought this was an interesting spin on the Gandhi quote "Be the change..." Maybe  a bit pessimistic, but unfortunately, sometimes, all too true!

Photobucket

Friday, May 4, 2012

quote of the week

via pinterest
Speaking of remembering to get out into nature and having my priorities straight, today's quote continues along the same vein. Ok, maybe that feels like a stretch but I don't think it is. I think we get caught up in the material world and lose sight of the actions that really make life meaningful. I love the internet but I need to remember to leave it behind and get outside, spend time with my friends, laugh, love, walk in the forest. The iPhone can stay home. The camera doesn't need to document everything.

Sometimes I stumble across quotes like this and they just feel like a reminder. And sometimes I really need one!

Photobucket

a colourful green world

Green.

For me green is about nature and health and I guess on some level prosperity, but not necessarily in terms of financial prosperity.


This colour seemed like the natural evolution from where I was last week. Green isn't a colour I wear or even necessarily love (though I don't dislike it). I don't tend to surround myself with greens. And I think this is because I feel like nature just captures this colour so much better than anywhere or anything else. Which is part of why green is a colour that is about healing... because nature heals me.

I forget that far too often. Living in a big city I forget that being outdoors calms and grounds me like nothing else. And I don't get outside nearly enough.  This can't be the only way that I see nature:


In fact, the other day during our May Eve ritual when went down to the water and immediately I noticed the difference in my energy. I am a water baby, I love the ocean, river, lake. I need to remember more often that when the going gets tough, get thee to the water or green space!

What spaces, colours, etc soothe you?

Photobucket