Friday, August 31, 2012

quote of the week

via pinterest
So the other day I posted, on facebook, that I'm feeling the need to ask for help but don't want to cause I feel like a burden doing so.

Fracken melodramatic much, aren't I?

Yeah, I know... it happens. But let me explain because I think it's important (well, for me at least, maybe not you)!

I'm doing it again. That thing where I am doing so well and making "progress" (whatever that really means) but then shying away from the work. I know, vague but I'll explain more with this anecdote from my past...

A long time ago (ok, like 9 years ago), I used to do yoga (ashtanga) all the time. Like 4-6 times a week. It was awesome. I also biked everyone. I was in great shape and pretty dang happy despite bemoaning my poor and single status in life. And I started noticing, during this time of yogic bliss, something really interesting was starting to happen, a few things in fact.

1. That at the end of class when everyone was doing Savasana (corpse pose), I was starting to feel everyone's breathing. As in, I could feel the class relaxing and breathing in and out, in sync. The rise and fall of our breathing, which, after a good class, was in sync in a way it hadn't been at the beginning of class. The breathing in sync isn't a particularly amazing thing, we also tend to Om more harmoniously at the end of practice than we do at the beginning. But what was odd and the reason that I noticed it was not only because I could feel when someone was off sync in the room, but I felt like I had a sense people's auras during this time and after class in a way that I don't really know how to describe.

2. And then, on days when this would happen, I would leave class, sweaty, looking like crap, but blissed out on the experience. The weird thing that happened though, is that inevitably, on those days, people would always approach me or be attracted to me. Random strangers would strike up conversations, strangers would ask me on coffee dates, or just give me huge shit eating grins as they walked by me on a busy downtown street in my city. Now, you need to know that people in my city are not street talkers, not really. We don't really make eye contact or chit chat with each other, especially because you never know if a person speaks English or French. This is not to say that my city is cold, just a big city with big city attitude. So this behaviour was noticeably odd, but particularly odd for me because I am tall and often seem very aloof and imposing to people.

But on those days, I was just open and people noticed and responded. That, in and of itself, was amazing. But I'll be honest, as much as I was thrilled by the experience, it was also unsettling. It wigged me out at times. I could see how it was changing me and the world I had built for myself.

So what did yours truly do? Well, in typical Faye fashion, I freaked!

That's right. I freaked out. I stopped going to yoga. I built up my walls again.  I'm not proud of it, but that's what happened. And that's what I've done in my life, repeatedly, every time that I reach that place when my practice opens the door and says, "here you go lady, leap and embrace the change."

And I'm there again and hiding my head under a rock in denial. I can feel it. I'm dreaming about it. The earth beneath my feet (in my dreams) is literally shifting and moving, forcing me to face my fears about a life with a more open heart.

I know it shouldn't be a big deal. I know I should embrace it. But damn it, I am digging my heels in and kicking up a fuss even though I know better. Gah! Why is this my pattern? Why do I do this? Why do I resist meditating now or doing my practice? What's up with this tendency to want change but not really want it? You know? I mean, I think I want it but obviously on some level I'm resistant and have been for a long time.

So what does this have to do with asking for help?

Well.. it has to do with working up the nerve to ask my support network to call me out on my shit and keep me honest about doing the work by holding me answerable to them. In other words, asking me if I'm meditating, practicing, and journaling on a consistent basis so that I have to get back on the damn mat, fears or not! Cause let's face it: sometimes when the going gets tough, shame keeps us honest!

So just for now, I'm asking for help so that I can keep yelling and laughing, and never give up on the journey.

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Thursday, August 30, 2012

the many faces of the divine: art journaled

More art journaling adventures:


I've been really consumed with reading lately so it was nice to play with paint this morning. Yup, that's right, this morning. Before work I got down to the nitty gritty and played with my paints.

Yes, I woke up insanely early. That happens a lot in my world because Mr Faye gets up really early and some days I can't get back to sleep.

Today I was feeling inspired to work on an art journal page.

Something I've been thinking about a lot lately is the fact that we are all the Goddess. I've always found that a paradox that I struggled to wrap my head around. Recently though something just clicked and I had an A-HA moment that just made it all work in my head. Woo hoo! It rocks. I love those moments.

So now I've been totally in love with contemplating the world through this particular lens. You know, the you and I and everyone we know is divine lens. Yeah, that one. It's pretty awesome!


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Tuesday, August 28, 2012

this week I am: Aug 20-26th, 2012

Stars:
Aug 20 to Aug 26, 2012
  • Sun in Leo
  • Moon in Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn
 Pathworking:
  • Just reading and studying and meditating. Nothing fancy this week!

Creating, Planning, Trying
  • I'm on a creative low right now. Not because I don't have ideas but because I'm just not in the mood to do any of them. That's ok, it ebbs and flows. These days I'm just reading. Nothing edifying, just light, fun fiction. The school semester starts soon so I'm just trying to relax before the chaos begins. So yeah, I'm trying to just take it easy!
Viewing, Reading, Listening:
  • Nothing that I want to admit to!
Thinking, Realizing, Feeling:
  • I'm pretty over the new house craze. I'm kind of tired of touring my home, hosting people for dinner, etc, etc. I'm burnt out and am glad that the important people have all come and gone, except for my family, who will come during the Yule holidays.


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Friday, August 24, 2012

quote of the week

via pinterest
Because they helped turn you into who you are today.

And laughter makes life better! A little something that hopefully brings a smile to your face today.



And that's all I have to say about that. Have a lovely weekend!

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Thursday, August 23, 2012

element art journal page

Thinking about the elements lately:



That's all...


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get back on the mat lady!

Do you ever have those days when you realize you just always resist doing the things that make you sane?

Yeah, me too.

For me things like meditating, doing yoga, exercise, taking the time to make healthy meals are all challenges for me. It's like I can start but never follow through and be consistent with these activities. And yet, when I do them I'm so much happier.

Why is it that I seem to be hellbent on making my life more complicated? You know? Baah... it sucks I tell you, plain ol' pain in the ass sucks!


As a friend and I were joking, I know this is a "rich girl problems*" but still some days I just want to stomp my foot down and whine "Why does it all have to be sooooo hard?" And then I give myself a mental smack for being a all whiny about it and buck up and get back to work. Eventually! Some days take me a little longer than others.

Recently those days have been running amok and taking over. But I think I have my big girl pants** back on and am ready to go!

I suppose that in the process of learning who I am there are bound to be moments of internal dissension, but it does strike me as particularly ironic that muchof our lives seem to focus more on resisting the things that are good for us at the expense of things that actually nurture us.

What can I say? I'm working on it and life is a work in progress after all...

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*Rich Girl Problems: Problems that only girls who live a life of relative ease would ever complain about, generally still valid albeit somewhat frivolous in nature in the grand scheme of things. For example: (from yesterday's conversation)

Me:  "I want to take the commuter train to work but then I'd have to wait for an hour after work before being able to catch the train, which means that I wouldn't get home until 6pm, which kind of sucks, you know? And to get here... well I'd have to leave so much earlier (which in my internal monologue also means messing with my meditation/daily practice schedule). And what about those days when I have errands to do? You know? I mean, I want to be all good about my carbon footprint but... "

Her: "I know! We just bought a car and it's hard. I mean there's parking and everything else. But what are you going to do. We tried to do car share but there are never cars available on weekends or holidays, etc. And you just get so used to the convenience factor of it all!"

Me: "Totally. It's awful, but so true."

Her: "What are you going to do? Ah, rich girl problems."

Both snicker and smirk, thinking damn we've come a long way from our grad school days.

**Big Girl Pants: The pants that real women wear when they're getting shit done! Less crass than "Grab it by the Vagina" and more empowering than "Grab it by the Balls." More feminine than "Man up" and less polemical than "Woman up." Slightly quirky but endearing way of conveying sucking it up and getting it done. For ex:

Faye doesn't particularly want to clean her house this evening but she knows her in-laws are coming over on Friday so it's time to put her big girl pants on and take care of business!


Tuesday, August 21, 2012

creating a book of shadows

What I've been working on, slowly, but still...


I've been tea staining paper to create a Book of Shadows. Let's face it. I don't need a vintage feeling BOS, but I want one! So I've been soaking some pages in tea water (chai... because it gives my pages a light, but yummy smell). 

Here's what I've created/collected so far:


I'm pretty sure that I'm going to bind them together into book format by using O rings so that the book can grow as I grow. I'll create hard covers to protect the pages and that'll be that. I may reinforce the holes using those stickers, but that's it.

Decoratively I'm going to add light nature stamp motifs. I'll share more as I get it done!

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Monday, August 20, 2012

This Week I Am: Aug 13 to 19 2012


Stars:

Aug 13 to Aug 19, 2012
  • Sun in Leo
  • Moon in Cancer, Leo, and Virgo
  • New Moon August 17th

 Pathworking:
  • Did my first circle (for a group). It was awesome. Don't get me wrong, I made mistakes but it was awesome and I'm happy with the energy that was raised. I have never led a circle before and honestly, it was awe inspiring to hold and witness all that love, beauty, and devotion. I am so humbled by the experience, I can't even begin to describe it. It was nothing like I ever expected because it was about love and seeing the divine in everyone. I will never think of circle casting as an obligation or as a position of power, rather, I will always strive to remember that it is a gift to witness and call up another's true nature and aspirations that way! 
  • Making magical potions!

Creating, Planning, Trying
  • Making magical potions! Did I mention that already? Yeah. Ok...
  • Working on a custom order
  • Fun nail polish!


Viewing, Reading, Listening:
  • The Charge of the Goddess. Over and over and over again in preparation for my circle!

Thinking, Realizing, Feeling:
  • This morning as I contemplate my week, I find myself thinking about ego vs insecurity. I know, that's totally random right? Yeah... 

But I've been dealing with someone who claims to be very insecure and I believe that but it's hard to keep sight of that when her displays of insecurity manifest themselves as ego. As in, she talks herself up to feel better about herself and ends up coming across as uber vain! One moment she'll go from "I know I'm an attractive girl" to saying things like "I'm crazy insecure and know it's stupid that I get my sense of worth from my sexuality." At the end of the day I honestly just feel like calling "bullshit" on it all! You know?

I've gone from one extreme, to the middle, to the other extreme when it comes to dealing with this person. On one end, I've just ignored it and just been distant (avoidance tactics while not always advised can be the path of least resistance). On another hand, I've fed her energy in order to still the beast that seems to need to be fed validation and attention. I've purposely sought out giving away my own praise to her in order to give her what she seems to need so much. And I did this willingly and knowingly because I don't need the accolades (oh, they're nice don't get me wrong, but I have enough of a sense of self worth that I can take the compliment, internalize it and then pass the attention onward without feeling upset by it). That sounds really a lot more noble than it is, I promise! Or more martyrdom like than it is! I'm neither, don't you worry.

But here's the thing, every time that I have voluntarily refocused the gaze onto her, she pulls out the ego again. And maybe this is because she wants and needs the attention but doesn't know how to deal with it. You know, like that moment when you want someone to say you look pretty but then when they do, you deflect it with a joke because you're uncomfortable. 

I'm trying to be open-minded about it all and to look at it from all possible angles in order to get a clear picture of the situation. I don't want to just react. But even with all that said, I'm at a loss as to how to process this person's ego/insecurity combination because it doesn't feel like insecurity. It feels like manipulation for attention. And while I'm willing to give away some of my own shining moments to help bolster another, I'm not willing to be a pawn in a story that is all about you. You know? 

So now I'm trying for patience and acceptance that this is part of her nature and that I'll take the good while I can (because we are in a situation where we interact often and it can't be avoided) and refuse to play the game with her because she has to figure it out for herself. I won't give her anymore praise because she seems to love turn it against me and using it to feed a neurotic ego. 

So yeah... I've been thinking a lot about the balance between insecurity and egoism!



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Gratitude:
  • For watching others experience the God/Goddess
  • For feeling love pour through me
  • For sharing my home with others and forging bonds of friendship
  • For little brothers and their quirky natures
  • For a garage that is almost finished (and thus not having to listen to Mr Faye angst over tiles any longer)
  • For pasta salad and my uncanny ability to always make too much multiply fourfold!
  • For a husband who says, "No sit and talk, I'll clear the table" when we have my friends over
  • For having people who are friends and teachers
  • For funny conversations in which I give directions to places in a town I haven't lived in for over 13 years!


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Friday, August 17, 2012

quote of the week

via pinterest
Sometimes it feels like we live in a world that is forever trying to teach us to see ourselves as having spiritual experiences instead of remembering that every single moment we live and breath is spiritual.

I have been trying to remember, more and more, that the magical and the mundane, the spiritual and the every day, do not need to be seen as separate ends of the spectrum.

How do I do that? Well sometimes it's about remembering gratitude, sometimes looking outside and seeing how amazing the details are, sometimes I just have to kick myself and say "Faye, stop being an ass, this is all pretty dang awesome."

Yeah, aside from the self abusive voices in my head, I think it's all good, you know? I think it's important to remember who we are as much as possible. Sometimes that means once a week, sometimes once a day. Sometimes it means putting post its up to remind us, sometimes quotes that prompt us to think about it.

Either way... remembering that the spiritual shouldn't be a side to our life but rather just our life... yeah, I like that idea (in a non-fanatical kind of way, of course)!

What do you do to remember your spiritual nature? What things inspire that feeling of spiritual connectedness the most?

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Thursday, August 16, 2012

transforming and evolving constructively

I've been thinking a lot about patterns and habits lately. And while this isn't the best photo of the page, here is  a recent creation inspired by the idea of transforming our habits constructively.



I know that I wrote recently on the idea of this constant desire to be more and do more at the expense of today, so this page might seem to contradict it. In actuality though, I think it's part of the evolution of that post because it was part of me contemplating that idea.

This is one of the things I love about art journaling. You know, when you look back a little and realize that the pages you've created can actually trace the process you're working through, albeit sometimes unconsciously.

I don't know, I'm in a period of transition and evaluation. But then again, when are we not in a period of transition? The only thing that is constant is change, right?

That said, I've been back on my pagan path and doing the work for almost 2 years now, and I see how things are shifting. I see how my friendships have evolved and grown or become more distant. I mentioned the other day to my covenmates that I see them more than I see most of my friends. That's not a bad thing, but it has at times been a challenging thing when it comes to long term friendships which have sometimes taken a lesser role in my day to day life.

This is not to say that those friends are less important to me. I hold them very dear to my heart. It's just that sometimes our oldest friendships have patterns that end up being shifted by all the spiritual work I'm doing. Sometimes I find it hard to have conversations with friends who aren't on the same path or place in life (and this is not always a pagan spirituality thing, sometimes it is a married and settled vs single and partying thing).

As a result, I've found that I've struggled a lot with trying to bridge the gap and claim my evolving identity under the auspices of old friendships that expect a certain side of me.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't a coven thing. Nor is it strictly a pagan thing. It's a growing up thing mostly, but tinged by the added feature of my practices.

The risk in it all is that I don't want to get sanctimonious. I don't want to think things like, "oh, well my meditation makes me more in touch or evolved." Or things like "well I'm settled and content and they're still searching and not ready." Because let's face it, that's just bullshit and the minute we begin thinking like that, we've fallen into the ego trap! But how do you learn to weather those times when you're just in such different spaces than your friends?

It seems to me that some friendships seem to weather these moments of transition better than others. Some need time apart, and some you just have to struggle through it and have faith that it'll get better, while appreciating those moments of connection that still happen in the midst of it all.

But I digress...

I originally started this post wanted to talk about this habit that I'm currently working on finding a way to deal with more positively than just the "rip off the bandaid method".

See, I am a helper and I'm generous and accommodating. I will come pick you up and I will bake the birthday cake. Just because it's the nice thing to do. But then I get cranky when all of a sudden what was just an act of kindness has suddenly become an expectation. And one that is grossly taken for granted.

And then I tend to react, rather harshly. As in, I will avoid your birthday or go out of my way to not drive anyone, ever, until I've calmed down.

Obviously I just need to deal with it head on and be honest about my feelings. I know this. But how do you go about changing the patterns you've already created in your friendships without being a total bitch? Or without being passive aggressive?

I hate hurting people or making things uncomfortable. But now that I recognize the pattern very thoroughly, I'm trying to figure out the best way of going about changing it and the expectations I've created by not being more direct.

On a spiritual level, I want to manifest a world around myself that nurtures kindness and thoughtfulness. I want to give people the benefit of the doubt and I want to believe that people will rise to the occasion and do their part. In reality though, I seem to create situations that end up leaving me feeling resentful or at a loss as to how to resolve things constructively. In reality it is far too often the case that a small group does the work for a larger group who doesn't seem to be aware of the fact that they aren't carrying their share.

From friends who have me driving an hour of my way because they've placed me in a situation where I can't say no without leaving them stranded, to friends who talk and talk about themselves in the time they have and then give me 2 minutes to talk about my life in return, these days, I'm feeling the burn and I'm not always sure what the best solutions are.


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Wednesday, August 15, 2012

lammas goal updates




One of my goals this turn of the wheel was to finish the book  Faery Tale by Signe Pike. After far too long, I can finally say that I have finished reading this book.
Faery Tale: One Woman's Search for Enchantment in a Modern World

Why did it take me so long, especially considering that I'm such a quick reader normally?

It's not that I didn't like the book, cause I did. But it found it long to read. I had a hard time getting into it for the longest time. There was something about it that just didn't really grab me until the end. Perhaps it was because I felt that it took her too long to make peace with the journey she was on, even though she sought it out. Plus, her reflections on her father's death just didn't jive with the story for me.

That said, I enjoyed the book. I know, it doesn't seem like it, right? But I did. The last portion of the book had a very Eat, Pray, Love vibe, from a pagan inspired bent. I enjoyed how she pulled the threads together in the end, making the loosely hung together adventures feel like they fit into a larger, amorphous web.

I'd recommend it. It was a good read and while it didn't shed new light on the faery realm, it was nice to read a pagan inspired memoir for a change.

In other goal related news:

I have been drinking my water. I called both my brothers last week and texted the week before. And I cast 1 practice circle on Monday and will likely do another tomorrow night. I've done 4 art journal pages already and am ready to do some more after this week is over.

So yay... I'm getting my shit done!

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Monday, August 13, 2012

this week: Aug 6-12, 2012



Stars:

Aug 6 to Aug 12, 2012
  • Sun in Leo
  • Moon in Aries, Taurus and Gemini

 Pathworking:
  • Learning the Charge of the Goddess and preparing to cast my first circle (eek, I'm a bit freaked but excited)!

Creating, Planning, Trying
  • Tea staining paper for a BOS project I want to try
  • Catching up on 2 weeks of project life
  • Planning a BBQ for my covenmates
  • Trying to organize my craft space (it's going to take me a while I think)
  • Art journal pages

Viewing, Reading, Listening:
  • Gilmore Girls. You know when you go back to watch old shows you used to like and are confronted by the fact that they just aren't as great as you remembered them? Yeah...
  • I finally finished Faery Tale. It took me forever, but it's done! Woo hoo! It was good. I found the start a bit long and it took a while for me to find the author's voice in the story, but by the end I was really enjoying the things it made me think about. I'd recommend it as a quasi Eat, Pray, Love -esque type of tale with a pagan-esque bent. 
  • Music: Rachael Yamagata, Crooked Fingers, Iron & Wine
  • Podcast: Thorne Coyle 

Thinking, Realizing, Feeling:
  • “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..” J. Milton, Paradise Lost. This one line from Paradise Lost has been with me ever since I read it about 18 years ago. (eek)! It has always spoken to me so profoundly and comes back to remind me over and over again that we can create our realities (to some extent). In my most recent incarnation of loving this line is the reminder that my sense of alienation from certain people in my life is completely of my own making. I can chose to change it or continue living it. Today I choose to change it. We'll see about tomorrow! (My mind is dodgy, temperamental place)!
  • More zen about things in life in general. More capable of choosing my battles and letting go of things that aren't to my liking. (Part of that mind thing again). Less prone to picking fights with my husband. Maybe the fact that I'm back at work and not spending every moment with him is helping?  

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Gratitude:
  • For our new coffee maker which makes yummy coffee
  • For facebook coworker face-offs over photo jokes (related to coffee, ironically)
  • For artisan fairs in my neighbourhood
  • For massive, crazy, hurrican monsoon like rain storms
  • For Indian dinner date nights
  • For a covenmate willing to help a gal out
  • Weird random moments when talking about someone and they text (and they never text)
  • For conversations with my little brothers
  • For the Olympics being over. Bah, I'm a bit of an Olympic hater... probably because of Vancouver and the never-ending conversations about it, which have made me crazy and continued into this year because of comparisons made. Gah... I want to be a lover, but some days I'm just a hater and this hater is glad it's over! (not that I don't appreciate how much hard work the city and athletes put into the games)




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Friday, August 10, 2012

quote of the week

via pinterest
Do you remember who you thought you'd be when you were young? Are you that person? And more importantly, when you think about who you are now, are you the person you want to be?

Sometimes I suspect the answer to this question always ends up being no.

No, I am not who I want to be. No I have done this, or I'm still like that, or I really need to [lose weight, be more focused, do more, be more, etc, etc].

But what if we stop and just see who we are now and celebrate that? I kind of suspect that if we did that more, we'd realize that we are that beautiful person we're supposed to be, flaws and all.

This year I promised myself that the word I would work on manifesting in my life was balance. Balance between the magical and mundane, the crafty and the academic, family and friends, work and health, living in the present and dreaming big. And I am. But sometimes I think that I forget that most important of all is balance between insecurity/neuroticism and confidence; learning to make peace with who I am, while striving to be more. More than who I am now, who I believe I am, what I think my limits are, and what is imposed on me by others (family, friends, work, life). So I get caught up on this quest to be better at the expense of seeing that I am already so much of what I strive to be, albeit beautiful in my imperfect versions of those goals.

But here's the thing: I find it hard to let go of the future goals and be here now. It is one of my biggest challenges (that and over thinking things. Can you tell? My excuse was that I was born in the in the Prince of Swords, which is characterized by thinking about thinking. If you're curious about what decan of the tarot you were born in, this link will help you figure it out).

Anyways, I'm getting sidetracked. Where was I? Oh yeah, being here now and appreciating who we are now.

Sometimes I think that thinking of the future is a sickness of the western mind. Dion Fortune, in the Mystical Qabala, says that the Qabala is the best method for the westerner to learn  through because it is built to work based on the framework of experiencing the world that westerners have. She argues that eastern traditions start where the Qabala ends, on the other side of the the abyss, before we are ready to understand the abstract realm of being detached. Ok, that's not exactly what she says, but I'm extrapolating here based on my interpretation of what she's written. [One day I suspect I'll come back to read this and scoff at my naive interpretation of her work, but hey, this is where I am now]. Anyways, the point that I'm fumbling about with is that I feel that there is something inherently ingrained in our acculturation process that makes us tend to look to the future more than the now; to look towards attaining enlightenment as the end goal, at the expense of seeing all the little moments that lead us there as being the true path.

Does any of this make sense?

I guess I just want to take a moment to remember that it's ok if you're not where you want to be yet. It's ok if you don't get there for a very long time. Because right now, you're on the journey and it's the journey itself that matters. We should embrace the beautiful, imperfect selves we are today, because they are part of who we will become tomorrow.


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link love

Currently loving these art journals

Liked Aine's post about tarot readings and keeping track over the next 6 months. Might give it a go!

DIY sigils. I had a dream about sigils recently, so this came to my attention at the perfect moment! Very, very interesting how the universe works!

And because that caught my attention, I went looking for more info on DIY sigils

I used to love Mr Rogers:




If you liked the Hunger Games: a flowchart of other book recommendations



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Thursday, August 9, 2012

art journaling moments in the past

I've been really into art journaling lately, which makes me happy! I have quite the random assortment of pages to share with you, but today I'll just start with this one:


In it I used a photo taken from a recent road trip through the country. My friend and I were laughing about why all barns seem to be run down, but I not so secretly think that run down barns are quaint and picturesque, even if they might now be all that practical!

Anyways....

This page started off much differently. It was lighter with less paint but I just a little bit crazy with the layers. What can I say, sometimes that just happens!

I started off with the quote "not all who wander are lost" and the then the text sort of emerged from there as I reflected on the feelings I was going through as I took the photo. Normally whatever I write about is inspired by what I'm going through at the time, so this was a bit of a shift for me to reflect back on something that happened over a week or 2 ago in my art journaling process.

This in turn makes me think about the act of  giving yourself time to think before acting/reacting and documenting. One of the things that people talk about in scrapbooking is the difference between telling the story right away or after the fact and the difference it makes on how we tell the story. Obviously telling the story right away as we experience it captures the immediacy of the moment, but having time to reflect on it can sometimes offer up a clarity that we don't have as we live the moment.

Now, when I'm art journaling, I'm not necessarily doing it with the intention that it'll be there for longevity's sake to document my life, but there is that possibility (I'm a bit of a hoarder, nothing serious or in need of an intervention, but still), so it's not like this is an issue for me in terms of an overall goal in my art journal pages. But I do think that it's food for thought in terms of exploring ideas/emotions/and reactions related to life events, magical practice, and the evolution of our ideals/values and aspirations.

I might need to play a bit more with the idea of recording something as it happens and then revisiting a few weeks later in order to get a clearer idea of how my reactions colour my perceptions.

What about you? Do you ever come across this in your own endeavours/musings?

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Tuesday, August 7, 2012

art journaling over days (or weeks)

I've been working on this page for a while. The blue background and motif was done a long time ago when I was in the mood to prep pages. Then I decided to do the scrolls and black lines while on holiday, watching a movie with Mr Faye.


This morning I did the journaling, added the crow, and coloured in the red. All this to say that sometimes a page is something that happens over time. Some days I don't feel inspired, others I do. But I'm working on finding a little day, every few days, to spend some time art journaling cause it makes me happy!

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Monday, August 6, 2012

This Week: July 30 to Aug 5

Recent view from our bike riding adventures. 

Stars:

July 30 to Aug 5, 2012
Sun in Leo
Moon in Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces, and Aries (busy week)

 Pathworking:

Celebrating the full moon and Lammas. 

Creating, Planning, Trying

  • I haven't created much this week aside from writing. It's been a week of wrapping things up and contemplating new ideas.
  • I ordered new glasses. So soon I'll be sporting a new look! Woo hoo. I've been wearing the current pair of glasses for 4 years now, so it's long overdue! But man, picking glasses is tough work. I've tried on more pairs than I'd like to admit, debating funky vs classic, vs bold colour or neutral black until everyone around me just wanted to tell me to shut up already with the glasses!

Viewing, Reading, Listening:

  • Mr Faye blow out 36 candles
  • Nothing, my eyes need a break!
  • Mumford & Sons, Rachel Yamagata, Florence and the Machine, and Foster the People

Thinking, Realizing, Feeling:

Thank mother f'*** god that my period arrived and that the hormone fest has abated. Too much information? Yeah, probably but whatever, it's the truth. Seriously I was riding some psycho-bitch waves this go round the lunar cycle. But in positive news? I think that my body has finally gotten back on track and I'm feeling healthy again, which is not only great but reminds me that I need to let my body have time to heal. Sometimes healing takes months, not weeks, and I need to allow for that. The weird funk that has been happening since Dec? Fingers crossed we've seen the end of it. 

So I'm feeling pretty damn relieved, all said and done!

I'm also reminded of how much remember to be grateful helps me feel more positive about life. Really, it helps bring me out of the blahs and funks that come around.

On a more frivolous note: it's a 3 paycheck month. I love 3 paycheck months. They rock!


««««««««««

Gratitude:

  • For amazing friends who listen until you're done venting and can start seeing things objectively again. Gotta love the good girlfriends!
  • For Sabbats in a field under the moon
  • For 3pm ice cream snack time at work with colleagues!
  • For the answer to a question, loud and clear
  • For a husband who does the work even when I'm a pissy cranktankerous hormonal bitch
  • For being told that even at 5'9, I am delicate
  • For bear hugs and laughter by moonlight
  • For a brother in law who engages in snarky banter with me when I need it most!
  • For the reminder that this week was better than last, and that everything gets better




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Friday, August 3, 2012

quote of the week

via pinterest

Don't you just love, love, love Joseph Campbell? Seriously, sometimes I think he's the poster boy scholar for paganism. Yes, I'm being a little glib! But honestly, he has some pretty damn great quotes!

If you reflect back on your life thus far, has it been what you thought you would live? I know that in many ways my life has gone places that I never expected it to go and its in the unexpected adventures along the way that I've learned and grown the most.

I'd had all but thrown away my wand and pentacle and given up on paganism. I'd wandered off into the ivory tower of academia and planned on building a career in literary theory and education. I'd stopped yoga, meditation, and anything creative in any way shape or form. Isn't that ironic? Don't you think? (hee hee)

Seriously.

My life was surrounded by atheists and academics. There was no time for creating or spirituality in my world. And don't get me wrong, it was a fun time in my life but when it came to an end (gradually because "the world ends not a bang, but in a whimper" *TS Elliot), I found myself looking at the empty spaces with fear because I didn't know how to patch up the holes that I'd been ignoring for so long.

I'm going to say the strangest thing: it was wedding planning that healed my hollowed out artistic soul.

It was networking with other offbeat wedding planners and diy crafting that led me to where I am today. And my crazy Catholic wedding, as much as it drove me bonkers, was part of me remembering my own spiritual nature. Even as I write that, I'm struck not only by the irony of that statement, but the beauty of it, particularly because it didn't happen the way you'd expect to have happened.

It was the Catholic priest who married us who reminded me of what a good spiritual teacher can bring into your life and sent me on my quest for a teacher in the tradition that spoke to me. Our discussions on Kahlil Gibran's poem On Marriage (which we had read in our wedding ceremony) and the divine contained within poetry that restored my faith in good spiritual souls who I could connect with. It was the meeting ground between the 2 of us, our shared common space, and NOT our differences, that brought me home again.

Sometimes life takes us off course in order for us to be able to see our path more clearly again.

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Thursday, August 2, 2012

pink art journal girl

A little of what I've been art journaling lately:


I did one page with this idea and then felt that I hadn't done nearly enough with the thoughts running through my head. I don't know, I love the clean lines of some pages out there, but for me, when it comes to art journaling, honestly... well I'm more of a layers upon layers kind of girl.

This might actually be a metaphor for my life! I'm all over the more is more, even while Mr Faye is all over the less is more philosophy. I sense trouble ahead!




I don't know if you ever have those times when you start looking at your spiritual workings and find yourself wondering what it's all leading you to? You know, the proverbial dark night of the soul kind of things. Well even if you don't, I do. Probably too often. Which is weird because I'm very sure of my path, just not always of my willingness to do the work on it! Yeah. I've been chewing on what I'm willing to give an awful lot lately! Bah, whatever. It's just a phase and I'm getting through it.

Keep posted, I'm sure it'll come around again in about 6 weeks. I'm predictable that way. I dig the roller coaster...

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Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Lammas Goals

These are what I want to be working on this turn of the wheel:



Litha Goals recap:

  1. Read 3 study books
  2. Go bike riding 2x a week
  3. Finish table and chairs
  4. Cook something new every week
  5. Work on washing face nightly
  6. 2 practice circles
  7. Finish Colourful World
  8. Drink water every day

Well I didn't read 3 "study" books. But I did read 2 fun fiction books that were big!
Bike riding happened about 1x every 10 days. But we swam, lots.
And the practice circles didn't happen so I'm moving them into next go around the wheel!

What are your goals?


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