Tuesday, September 25, 2012

beauty in the smallest things

So yesterday, while curling up with my sick husband, Mr Faye, I noticed how the golden hour of sunlight creeping in through the gap in the curtains, was lighting up the dust motes, making them sparkle and dance in the air.

It looked something like the photo below (cause I opted to just enjoy the moment instead of chasing after my camera):

Dust motes from tumblr
 As I was soaking in the beauty of it, I found myself contemplating how magical the world must have seemed before science explained the magic away. Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm happy we have science and I'm still awed by the magic of it all even though we understand the how/why of things more now. Because let's face it, just because I know that the dust motes float because [insert the long complicated explanation here that I can't be bothered to type out], it still just seems damn amazing.

After all, the dust is dancing and sparkling in the light, held up and floating on the currents of air and it's magical and and beautiful. You know?

I don't know about the rest of you out there, but sometimes I'm just awed by how amazing the world is, even with the explanations. I mean, let's face it, a rainbow is still fan-fracken-tabulous even if I know it's about light refraction and water in the air. I love the moments when I am reminded by how amazing it all is.

Here's to hoping that your day is also filled with a moment of awe and beauty to celebrate.

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Monday, September 24, 2012

this week: Sept 17th to 23rd 2012

Stars:
Sept 17th to Sept 23rd , 2012
Sun in Virgo/Libra, Fall Equinox
Moon in Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius & Capricorn


Creating, Planning, Trying
I made candles and scones and started a larger painting that I want to put up in my living room. I started working on a collection of family photos to hang in our staircase. 

Viewing, Reading, Listening:
Oh, Haven`s back on and this excites me because I love the x-file supernatural type shows! Musically I`m revisiting old cds, much to Mr Faye`s chagrin because it means that I`m doing a lot of singing around the house. Fun stuff! Otherwise my reading is all over the place, from Qabala to fun fiction, to serious fiction. On another note, I think my holidays wish list is going to be full of Canadian biographies. I`m really digging the Q with Jian Ghomeshi and jonesing to read his new autobiography. And while I find him somewhat ridiculous on his show, I love his political satire, so I`m also eyeing up Rick Mercer`s book.
Thinking, Realizing, Feeling:
I’m currently reflecting a lot about community, be it national or spiritual. Recent political events in my province, as well as coven events have really left me thinking about how and who I identify with in terms of community, what I'm willing to put up with in community, and the changes that I'd make in my own communities. I've been feeling very disenfranchised lately in so many areas of my life and I'm not liking it so much. I suppose on some level this means that my husband is feeling a great deal of the brunt of it because I'm looking to reclaim my voice in various areas in my life, lashing out and demanding my voice back in the easiest places to do so. Hence, the other day's post
I've been also thinking a lot about intuition vs questions. I'm someone who often ignores her intuition in favour of questions, which means that I also tend to over-analyze my feelings to the point that I don't always know if I'm reacting because I have a hunch or because I've over-thought it. It's a conundrum, I admit!  
Hmm... I suspect I may have enough in the way of issues in this post for about 3 posts. But whatever! Such is life. Fall is always a time of reflection and change for me, it's par for the course in Faye land!
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Gratitude:
  • That I have a Mom I can hash out my spiritual dilemmas with.
  • That I feel like we've made progress in a very important area in my life/marriage
  • That I made delicious raisin scones this weekend!
  • For Ikea trips and picture frames and home decor adventures
  • For getting tipsy with my father in law and laughter around the dinner table
  • That I'm going to see my little brother and that makes me damn happy
  • That work is starting to calm down (or is while I'm writing this)
  • That I managed to deal with an Etsy sale in a positive and constructive manner even though I was totally annoyed and yet, also partially to blame
  • For Fall, which is my favoritest season ever!
  • For my kitty who is so cute some days I just can't imagine life without her
  • For girl time 


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Saturday, September 22, 2012

saturn return: celebrating Capricorn

Today the sun enters Capricorn so I thought it might be a good time to reflect a bit on Saturn and Capricorn.

Also, I'm a Capricorn.

You know,  the ol' horny goat, climbing steadily onward up the mountain. The ambitious one. The one who cares about material success. The disciplined one. Reserved and traditional. Almost obsessed with security.





Wait, hold up. What?....

That doesn't sound like me, not really. No way. In fact, once upon a time a friend described me as an "artsy, hippie, glam girl," which is not only way cooler, but I think, sounds more like me. It's much more exciting than hardworking, stable, and conservative. You know? I mean, who the hell wants to be a boring ol' Cap?

Bah. Stupid sun sign, we need to talk and redefine our terms. Cause I'm quirky and spastic and couldn't give a rat's ass about the big "career" at the end of the day. I'm way more wild than my tame, homebody Leo husband.

But then I remember a little voice in the back of my head chanting "3 going on 30" lady, "3 going on 30". My Aries Mom used to say this about me all the time. In fact, it's totally her voice in the back of my head, whispering that I might be more Cap than I want to admit to!

Cause I was a serious child. I was quiet and dare I say it, pretty damn shy. I was studious and loved to play "work" (usually I played school/teacher). I never cheat, not really, and am staunchly committed academic integrity. I know that I have earned everything I have ever achieved in life. No one has ever given me anything that I didn't work for.

 I rarely call in sick, in fact, I practically never did until I got this job and my students seem to be plague infested...

I worked 3 jobs through a good chunk of my education. Not always because I had to. In fact, I had to learn to not work so much and didn't know what to do with my time when I gave up the extra jobs. I have since filled it with blogs and crafts, so I don't know that I've made progress on the workaholic tendency, not really...

So yeah, I might be more Capricorn than I like owning up to.

But why do I hate being a Cap? Well, because Caps seem like the party poopers of the zodiac. And while I might be a serious person, I am definitely not the party pooper. In fact, I think I'm a pretty dang awesome party guest!

So what is a serious but rebellious Cap to do?

Embrace her Saturn return and how it affects Capricorns.

For those of you who don't know what a Saturn return is, it's the time that Saturn re-enters the same location it was when you were born and this happens around your 29th-  30th year. It marks the time when your life tends to make some big shifts. Most people find this a rough time in their life, full of big lessons and challenges. After all, Saturn is a stern taskmaster.

For Capricorns, who are known for doing the 3 going on 30 bit, this time actually marks the start of a reversal for them as Capricorns are also known for becoming younger as they age. While everyone else is growing older, more serious, and disciplined, Capricorns grow younger, shedding the weight of the world they carried with them during their younger years. They relax and tell more jokes, taking life less seriously than they did.

Essentially, they've climbed a big chunk of the mountain, gotten a good view of things, and have more of a light heated perspective. And your Saturn return is just the beginning of this change.

When I think about my own life, I have to say that this is very true of my nature. I've often felt like a  late bloomer, but one who who has finally found her stable place to land, which makes me feel lighter, looser, and more lively. Stability, inasmuch as I have begrudged it, has actually made me feel freer. And while I've watched friends struggle through their Saturn return, I have thrived. My 30s have been my favourite years. Oh, I wouldn't take back my 20s. I did it all. I love the stories and memories that I have from those times. But damn, as I near 36, I have to say getting older, despite all the body changes and slowing metabolism (damn it, I can't eat ice cream like I used to), this Capricorn thinks being older rocks.

My 7 year old self, who just wanted to be an adult, is finally arrived and is pretty dang pleased with the lay of the land from her viewpoint. Everyone always said to enjoy being a child, but fuck that people. Being an adult, even with the bills and shit, is WAY better!

If that makes me the quintessential Capricorn, so be it. I think there's more to Caps than meets the eye!

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Friday, September 21, 2012

quote of the week

via pinterest

You know, I admit it. I picked all these quotes and scheduled them long ago. And yet they seem to fall into a  pattern and often hit just when I'm going through something that is weirdly aligned with the quote that pops up for the week.

Coincidence? Well, since I don't really believe in coincidence then I guess not. Isn't life odd and fantastic that way?

Mr Faye and I have been talking (and even sometimes, dare I admit it, arguing) about what we want our life together and individually to look like. We've been having those big conversations about our dreams and life lists and the way we communicate as a couple and the choices we're making as a couple.

Recently I feel like we've finally made an enormous break through as a couple (possibly because he finally heard something I've been trying to tell him for years, like really heard it instead of glossing over it and saying yes he understands).

Ready for the reveal? The too much information maybe?

Ok...

My husband likes to make people happy. This is where he finds his own happiness. And it's noble and beautiful and I love that he cares so much about other people's feelings. However, this means that he never makes decisions solely based on what he wants. Which also means that I end up being dragged into (sometimes very resentfully) decisions based on what someone else in his family/community wants. And as someone who was taught to think for herself and not to get caught up in doing things for the sake of appearance, this is VERY frustrating for me (because, as you may infer, most of the things we/he ends up doing for his family/community far too often have to do with this stupid game of keeping up appearances). I have been telling him, over and over, that I feel like in the end, when it comes down to choosing, we as a couple end up compromising on things that don't really matter to him, but matter a great deal to me, because he wants everyone to be happy (except, ironically, me because I am looking out for his happiness).

I know, it's all convoluted and way too personal and yet vague.

But here's how it relates to this quote for me: we're finally at a point in the conversation where he is accepting  that yes, he needs to figure out what is important to him and make decisions based not only his needs and desires, but also ours as a couple.

He is accepting that he needs to be braver about staking out his own destiny and taking charge of his life first. And honestly, I am relieved because it's been a 7 year conversation in the making.

I feel like, finally, he is grabbing his courage and ready to stand up for himself. You know, actually do it instead of just saying he should.

My the universe be kind to me and not let me regret asking for this! Fingers crossed people. Fingers crossed!


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Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Updates on life in Faye land!

Madness I tell you, madness!

This has been the theme in my life lately.

Life is good, I'm happy, busy and so on and so forth but eek do I feel chaotic. As in, finish the work day, drop down on the couch and contemplate whether it's too early to crawl into bed yet chaos!


Here are the updates:

I'm getting tested for thyroid problems. Jury is still out about what I will do with this if the tests come back positive (pig hormones don't appeal much to the vegetarian in me).  Hypo-thyroid runs in my family and was linked to both my Mom and my Aunt having problems getting preggers. So we'll see.

I've been thinking about what life will look life if we don't have a kid. I'm thinking butt loads of travel. It could be good, either way!

I've become sensitive to the energy in my new neighbourhood. It may sound odd but it feels really either new or supportive of my practices. It's intriguing. I'm definetely feeling more grounded in the new location. I don't know if it's because of the water and being in nature more, or because we don't live above my in-laws anymore, or a combo of that... or other stuff. But even my friends have commented on how much happier I seem with where I am in life these days. It's good. I dig it!

Work is good. My co-worker retired so I'm taking over her dossier. It's an amazing new challenge and I love all the work I'm doing with students. I love the nature of my work, it's amazing. That said, office politics are driving me crazy! And I'm seeing something like 12 to 20 students a day, which is insane when you realize that I only work 7 hours! Don't even asking me how I'm keeping up cause I'm not! And it's only week 4 in the semester. I don't even want to contemplate how crazy it'll be during/after midterms!



Mr Faye and I booked tickets to London (which I already mentioned) but I am now surviving my brother and my husband bantering it out over Legally Blonde the musical: to see or not to see. Ultimately, while they are both chagrined over missing it, they're willing to forgo the good times and quality performance in favour of spending family time together, you know, for Faye's sake. It is all very noble and sarcastic. My sister in law and I are wondering if we'll be able to survive the 2 of them together without my parents there to act as a buffer. As it stands, I may need a vacation from my vacation!

I think that's it for now.

Oh, no, wait! My computer totally broke and yet, I managed to fandangle it into working again. I worked my mad tech geek skills (minimal though they may be) and voila: I'm back online! Props to me!

AND!!!! I completed all my goals for Lammas except for the candles, which I'm going to do this weekend while Mr Faye is off golfing with his cousins (don't get me started on the enviro catastrophe that golfing is... we agree to not discuss it)!

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Friday, September 14, 2012

quote of the week

via pinterest
I've always been someone who felt torn between travel and home. All my life I've been someone who has been sure of one thing in my life: that I have an insatiable desire to see the world and stand in foreign lands and dip my toes in foreign waters. But I also long to have a home to come back to. And being a Capricorn, I thrive on stability (more than most probably).

I like to think that I'd be equally happy as a wandering nomad as a settled family person. But the truth of it is that that would be a lie. As a nomad I would constantly long for long term, sustainable connections and a sense of belonging to a community I could turn to, support and be supported by. I know there are ex-pat communities and communities of travelers, but my experience with these to day has shown that these are good time friends or temporary friends and rarely, though it can happen, long term friends.

On the other hand, living in one place, never seeing new places, not experiencing the pleasure of discovery... well it gives me restless, itchy feet. And it causes me to feel trapped and resentful of the things that I perceive as tying me down. (Not so good for a marriage, that!)

At the end of the I want both I suppose. In equal measure. And I'm striving to build a life that nurtures both because for me, having both, is how I come to know myself best. I'm not running away when I travel. No, for me travel is part of self-discovery, just as much as the time I spend on the meditation mat.


And with that said: I've booked another trip, albeit a very brief one, to London in October. I'll be visiting one of my brothers and my sister-in-law with Mr Faye. It'll be my 4th trip to London, but the first time I've gone with Mr Faye (who has never been before) and the first time I'll be traveling/visiting my brother in a foreign country. All these new adventures. I'm excited!

I've visited all the main sites that I want to see in the city, so this time I'm looking forward to:

1. standing back and watching Mr Faye discover the city.
2. being able to take artsy, tourist pics with my fancy schmancy camera (1st time I've had a good one on the trip to London)
3. spending time with my little brother
4. getting some time alone with my sister-in-law without the rest of the family there (my parents and other siblings)... I rarely get a chance to spend time with her outside of big family events because  we live so far from home so when we do meet up on the west coast, we're all always running laps to get it all in and see everyone!

So that's my big news for today. More big news pending: another trip back out to the west coast in November for a dear friend's wedding!

All these travel adventures to come! Plus my family will descend in Montreal this Yule season to celebrate Christmas in our new digs. Just thinking about it all makes my head spin with the busy-ness and excitement of it all.

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Monday, September 10, 2012

This Week: Sept 5th to Sept 9th, 2012

Stars:
  Sept 5th to Sept 9th, 2012
  • Sun in Virgo
  • Moon in Taurus, Gemini, Cancer
 Pathworking:
  • Same old, same old. Still struggling, but doing a bit better about doing the work.

Creating, Planning, Trying
  • Mostly I've been doing a lot of Project Life stuff these days. 
  • But I just did this, this morning (still a work in progress):

Viewing, Reading, Listening:  

Viewing:
  • It was a rainy weekend here and Mr Faye and I cozied up on the couch a lot to watch movies. Eat, Pray, Love to the Ugly Truth, to Happy Gilmore. I've been feeling pretty low energy and fighting a cold, so I've slept so much that it's kind of crazy. Movie were about just right for me.
Reading
  • I've been rereading some of the Diana Gabaldon series. Love the first books of that series.
Listening:
  • TV on the Radio, Calexico.


Thinking, Realizing, Feeling:
  • I'm noticing a trend in my life in which I have become much more spiritually minded and yet, at the same time, am experiencing a rather profound knee jerk reaction to Christianity. I need to work on tempering the anger and being more tolerant and accepting instead of harping on the indignities I feel are being directed my way. Tolerance and acceptance. This is my new mantra of the moment!
  • We're in baby waiting mode right now and I have to admit that I'm finding this particular wait very difficult for me. After 8 months of trying, 1 (maybe 2) miscarriages, I am starting to feel it. Mr Faye and I agreed that we'd keep trying until Jan (with me seeing the Doc after this round if it was negative to get tested for thyroid problems), but yeah, it's starting to wear on me. Honestly, I'm ok with not having a baby if that's what is in store for me, but the ups and downs of trying, I'm not doing so well with them at this point. I'm starting to feel the bitterness and jealousy twinges. I've had to tell my mother in law to stop with the twin grand-daughter jokes. Today was the first day that I woke up wanting to cry over the issue. So yeah. Even though I know my (our) life will be amazing with or without children, we'll travel like crazy fiends or nurture a wee one, either way, it'll be great but the hoping and losing are draining me a bit these days. I see babies or hear of other people getting pregnant easily and I have that twinge of WTF, why? But I also accept that life might have a different path for us and I'm ok with it. And I'm not crazy about the whole getting pregnant, I promise, I'm not totally stressing myself out with it and becoming baby crazy... just sharing what's on my mind this morning.
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Gratitude:
  • For rainy days and smell of cool, crisp autumn days!
  • Connecting with students again. Some days I'm just awed by how rewarding my work is.
  • Cuddling on the couch, watching movies with Mr Faye and Kittie Faye (the cat).
  • For baking and crafting days.
  • For lazy Saturday mornings when I get to read until noon
  • For elections being over!


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Friday, September 7, 2012

quote of the week

via pinterest
It's funny how we all talk about how we fear failure, but we never really own up to the fact that we fear success. I mean, if I actually do well what would that mean?

Right now in my practice I'm thinking a lot about the fear of success. I talked about it last week and I'm probably going to talk about it again today.

What is it that makes us fear actually achieving what we want? Are we scared that getting it means that they'll be nothing more to work towards? Or that it might not live up to our expectations? Or would getting it mean that we'd have to own our own greatness?

Cause let's face it, owning our own perfection isn't something we're all that comfortable with, you know? I mean my list of flaws is a mile long but my good stuff... yeah, I have to work on that one. 

And I see this over and over in my work. When I ask students, particularly ones with learning difficulties or disabilities to tell me their strengths, I can literally see them panicking. Their faces totally give away their confusion, their embarrassment, and most importantly, their fear. As if saying it out loud will make them vain, or jinx it, or I'll come back one day and totally call their bluff. Or worse, they honestly don't believe that they have strengths.

But we all have strengths. And if we start owning them and being less afraid of all the things that could go right instead of wrong, who knows what we could do.

Instead of freaking out about what living with a great big open heart actually means because I worry that I can't live up to that ideal, I should stop and remember that we all slip, but if I could embody that open heartedness more often, how amazing would my life be? How amazing would your life be?

You know?

What are my/your dreams? What amazing things could happen if we achieve them? And what amazing attributes do we have to put work on actually going out and getting what we want in order to live fearlessly?

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking about this weekend. Don't expect an answer cause I'm pretty sure I'll be working on it for the rest of my life, but it's going to be great!

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Thursday, September 6, 2012

blog love

And now for something different.

So the lovely Domestic Pagan nominated me for 2 blog awards way back when and I'm just getting back to it. My bad, it was super sweet of her! Yay for blog love.

The thing is, I'm kind of crap at paying these types of things forward. But I have an idea. Ready? Wait for it...

Here goes. I'm going to tell you 7 random things about myself and share 7 interwebs links that I want to share the love with:

7 Random Things about Faye:

  1. I don't like sweet potatoes. I think they are icky. But I keep trying them because everyone swears they're good. And each time, every single last time, I still think they're icky. I'm pretty sure I'll keep trying though, cause you never know, maybe they'll grow on me! Or I'm a glutton for punishment.
  2. I love graveyards. In fact, I kind of think they define a culture. Maybe that's macabre, but I do. In fact, on nice days I go out to the graveyard beside my school and have lunch there. After the chaos that makes up a 17-20 year old student body, the graveyard is just the perfect bit of tranquility that this girl needs. In fact, sometimes I meditate or work on my witchy pathworking while there. What does that mean exactly? Hell, let's make that point 3
  3. I regularly do all these exercises to build up my psychic abilities. That's right. This girl ain't no natural psychic and has to work at it! Ok, I should qualify that a bit. I have excellent intuition. I just don't tend to trust it much. Thus, I do lots of stuff to help build up my sense of when it's intuitive knowledge vs my big ol' cranium getting in the way! So that means I do things like picking a random grave and trying to read what's on it from a distance. (I'm simplifying this here for the sake of brevity). Some days I'm surprised by what I pick up (from dates to names to designs on the tombstone), other days are a total bust (meaning nada but my mind playing tricks on me)! I do this with tarot cards too. Other times I just use the meditation time to contemplate an issue and see if I have an intuitive type of answer to the issue/thought at hand. 
  4. Faye is actually one of my real names. It's my middle name. Dewell actually has a dual meaning for me because it is a derivative of my stepdad's last name (which I went by until I finished school) and also actually a real family name on my biological father's side. So my blogging identity is not as hidden as it might seem, nor as transparent as it might appear.
  5. I'm tall. 5'9 to be exact. But I'm the shortest member of my family. My brothers and parents are all taller than me. I once had an ex boyfriend who liked to joke that I was a midget in my family because I was a vegetarian. He endearingly referred to me as his "grain fed pip squeak" which tended to confuse people!
  6. I'm notoriously bad about cooking dinner. If left to my own devices I would eat pasta more than I should ever dare to admit.
  7. I have dyed my hair blonde, black, red, brown, blue, purple, green, and white. Grown it long to my waist and cut pixie short. I prefer it long (the pixie cut is actually more work than long hair). I've never permed it and it doesn't curl unless there's so much product in it that it's practically flammable. I'm actually kind of vain about my hair, which means that I haven't really taken to going grey all that gracefully, even if my "Rogue" (yes, they're natural) streaks garner me a lot of compliments.

Now, at this point I'm supposed to pay it forward but I'm not a big rule following, nomination kind of gal, so let me share with you some of the blogs I tend to read religiously and you might actually find me commenting on because they inspire me:

In no particular order:

  • A fellow Canadian blogger who found her way to my site after I'd been blog lurking on hers for longer than I care to admit! She blogs about yoga, eco stuff, and life in general. You should read her cause she's pretty awesome EcoYogini 

  • This one is new to me, but she leaves me thinking and oddly enough, her posts seem to often fall in line with things I'm thinking about around the same time. Group mind abounds.... ThornCoyle

  • Ok, I admit that sometimes her sales pitch puts me off but I know the spirit it's meant in and respect the hard work she's doing to build her vision! And man, the woman has got guts when it comes to sharing her story. I give her mad props for what she's working on manifesting in her life and in others cause it's pretty amazing. LeonieDawson

  • So often it seems like what gets talked about on the interwebs is the touchy feely stuff or the 101 stuff of wicca (paganism), and this little lit geek likes to take it to the next level of analysis now and again. For that I tend to wander over to ChasClifton

  • I love the way she's trying to stay true to her own voice and carve out a life that is true for her. I don't know that she's pagan per se, but there are glimpses here and there that make me think she's down with the Goddess! One that nurtures her spiritually and emotionally as a mother, partner, artist and woman. BohoGirl

  • Another fav blog is A Forest Door because the range of topics is diverse but thought provoking. I like me the thought provoking blogs. On top of which, she's incredibly well read and often sends me off exploring the interwebs in a myriad of links and great articles.

  • And today especially I wanted to give a shout out to Frosted Petunias because she hosts the unusual, fun, and totally wicked blog parties & challenges. This time: altered shoes. I'm debating it... it's tempting but I'm also trying to be realistic about what I have on my plate right now. Even if I don't do it, I hope some of you do because I'd love to oh and ah over your creations!

Ok, there are so many other blogs out there that I could mention. Really, truly, so many. But you know what, I'd love to hear about blogs I might not know about. So, if you feel game, leave me a link up to your fav blogs in the comments to I can check them out.



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Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Lammas Goals Update




The list:

  • Call family more often
  • Can something
  • Read the Golden Ass
  • Read A Faery Tale
  • Make tapered candles
  • Do 2 practice circles
  • Drink water
  • Do 4 new art journal pages

The update:

Call family more often: success! I've spoken with the brothers, the Mom, the Grandma via phone, text, and email. Maybe not always 1x a week, but the other side of the equation factors in too. If they're not there, there's only so much I can do!

Can something: tomato sauce!

Read the Golden Ass: Only 2 chapters to go. Really, someone said I'd love it. Yeah, not so much.

Read A Faery Tale: Done

Make tapered candles: To Do!

Do 2 practice circles: Done

Drink water: A work in progress. Some days are better than others, let's face it. But I'm still working on it!

Do 4 new art journal pages: Done!

So aside from the candles and the last 2 chapters of The Golden Ass, I am officially close to having completed my list!

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Tuesday, September 4, 2012

this week: Aug 27th to Sept 4th 2012

Stars:
Aug 27- to Sept 4th, 2012
  • Sun in Virgo
  • Moon in Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces, Aries, Taurus
 Pathworking:
  • Getting back on track. I won't belabor the point. You've all heard me write on and on about it!
  • Process my experience and understanding of what it means to be the Goddess/God

Creating, Planning, Trying
  • Catching up on Project Life. I am finally back on track!
  • Canning homemade tomato sauce. I made some last year but this year we wanted thicker sauce so it was a bit more work. I think we'll do another batch this weekend because we want enough to last us the year. Yay for locally grown tomatoes and knowing everything that's in your food. On the other hand, the amount of energy used to make the sauce... had both me and Mr Faye wondering about how carbon friendly making your own tomato sauce is. And what is it like in a food factory when it's being made because simmering a sauce for hours to get it to reduce takes a lot of energy.

Viewing, Reading, Listening:  

Viewing:
  • The 5 year engagement: It was ok, not great. I get a little tired of the need for some dumb jokes that go too far. In Ted it was the humping the check out thingy, in Bridesmaids it was the diarrhea in the wedding dress, and in this film it was the cold cuts sex scene. The movie was funny without the dumb jokes. It was a bit too long but otherwise good.
  • The Avengers: another really unnecessarily long film. I liked it but over 2 hours? Really? I could have easily done with less.
  • Currently engaging in some Indian lit love and reading Rajmahal. It's got an epic, generations of history beginning and I think I'm going to like revisiting Indian story telling traditions, which are just very different than the American school of story telling. As a lit geek I just love how different cultures tell stories differently and all the sub-sets of writing styles withing those traditions. It's been a long time since I've had a story that made me think about the craft of writing, so I'm really looking forward to sinking my teeth into an Indian saga.
Listening:
  •  The Head and the Heart to this lately and it totally reminds me of another song but I'm completely drawing a blank as to what it is... driving me a bit crazy but love it anyways cause it makes me want to dance around my kitchen (which I totally did)!


Thinking, Realizing, Feeling:
  • I'm trying to process what I think it means if it's all the play of the Goddess. I once read that witches believe that we choose where and how we get reincarnated. Don't ask me where I read this, I was about 20 when I read it, so it was a long time ago! Suffice to say, at the time I thought this was an interesting take on karma and destiny so it really stuck with me. I have struggled to reconcile how I feel this works when it comes to people who are living lives full of misfortune and suffering. Do we choose this? I find that hard to answer, but for me, the thought that I chose this life and these circumstances in order to learn and grow towards enlightenment was oddly liberating and fascinating. Now as I contemplate this in light of the idea that we are all the divine seeking to experience and understand itself, I find that notion even more fascinating. Don't ask me to explain, I'll just butcher the thought because it's still brewing (yes, it's simple but sometimes the mind blowing, profound things are simple... take the Tao Te Ching for example)!
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Gratitude:
  • For all those lovely readers who came out of the woodwork to ask me if I was doing the work! It was super endearing and I was touched by it!


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