Wednesday, March 13, 2013

when a spell doesn't work

Life is funny sometimes...

I really wanted a midwife. Yes, I even did a spell for one. And I got one, sorta. I had a midwife for all of 3 minutes before a clerical glitch became apparent and my honesty led to me losing the midwife for reasons that are just too complicated and really rather too boring to explain.

Suffice to say, I was bummed.

Things that made it worse? Having someone tell me that the spell must not have worked because I had some sort of mental block/fear about having a midwife. That I undid my spell through honestly because of either my karma or fears. I just hate that attitude.  I hate that my honesty was used against me in this way.

I can't stand the whole "blame the victim" mentality that can be used in spiritual rhetoric sometimes. Sometimes cancer is just cancer, not some deep seated karmic/emotional repression. You know?

Don't let people pull you into their storm. Pull them into your peace.

Don't worry, I didn't take it to heart. I was just annoyed by it.

In the end though, I feel like the universe is looking out for me in the ways I need, even when I don't realize it.

Potential TMI Alert for some! Read with caution. 

I went to my doctor's appointment the other day and found out that I have 3 rather well developed uterine fibroids. Right now it's not a problem and I don't need to worry about them because they're not in the way but they have to be watched for too much growth. If they grow too much, it might mean having a c-section.

While having a c-section is not something I ever envisioned for myself, I'm ok with it being a potential if there's just cause for it. Ultimately I sort of feel like not getting a midwife is ok now because I would have been transferred to a doctor later in my pregnancy if the fibroids grow and a c-section in my future, or sent to the hospital in emergency care with an unknown doctor if the fibroids turned into a problem during labour.

So yeah, I feel very much like things can sometimes work out the way they need to, even if they're not the way we'd originally wanted them to. You know? And some spells work and then don't work for a reason.

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