Sunday, September 29, 2013

sacrifices made along the way

I remember reading during my undergrad years that Sylvia Plath used to get up at an ungodly hour of the morning (probably 5am I don't remember) in order to write. She was that committed to carving out a time for her craft.

Honestly, as horrid as this is going to sound, my internal dialogue at the time was: "No wonder she stuck her head in an oven."

I know, right? I'm not always as sensitive as I should or could be. But at the time, this was the beginning of a turn for me, a moment along the way that made me second guess the maxim that a modern woman could have it all. Because let's face it, she can't. Not really. Having it all comes with sacrifice of some sort. Be it sleep or socializing or time for your personal hobbies. Something has to give if you're going to try to do it all. This applies equally to men as it does to women if they are trying to be the main caretaker of an infant along with everything else.

Hell, I think it applies to any parent, to varying degrees, provided that s/he is actively involved in parenting.

But what does this have to do with anything as I sit here typing this at 6am?

Well, frankly, first and foremost, is the realization that I have had my Sylvia Plath moment. As I attempt to work back into my daily meditation practice, which is a priority for me, I realize that it's not going to come without sacrifice but that it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for something that is incredibly important in my life. Something in fact, that helps me stay grounded and centered and thus by extension, allows me to be a happier, better mother.

Truth be told though, my practice already had me making sacrifices in my daily life even before Baby Faye. It demanded a great deal of my time and meant that I didn't always see as much of my friends as I would have liked. Sometimes I think that this was too my detriment because I didn't necessarily find a good balance between my life and my practice. Baby Faye sort of demands that I remember that balance more. I'm actually looking seeing how I find this balance and what my practice will look like post baby, but no doubt about it, it will require some sacrifices in order to make it happen.


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