Wednesday, October 23, 2013

8 reviewed: day one

spiritual experience of the year

I wish I could tell you it was motherhood or labor. But it isn't. It wasn't dealing with trying to conceive or navigating work issues. While experience was pretty intense and life changing, I think that they don't quite compare to the act of returning to my coven, trusting the process, and letting go of my expectations/need to belong this time last year.

The entire experience challenged me in ways that I never expected to be challenged. I always thought that when I found a coven, I would find my spiritual family. Honestly, coven life has been far from the romantic ideal I had of it. And yet, there are members of my coven who would tell you that the group has become a second family for them. Which is amazing but also somewhat of a bitter pill to swallow when you want it so badly.

And therein lay the problem. That I wanted it so badly that I was getting in my own way. When I found out I was pregnant and my focus shifted, I found my new priorities changed what I needed from the group and by extension, my relationship within it.

The ability to let go and try to trust again in order to learn that I have all that I need within me to follow my path isn't the greatest of all realizations to write out. And yet, it has been the spiritual experience of the year. I'm facing the next turn of the wheel from a very different place than I was last year. I know my place in the grand scheme of things in my group, what I need, what I'll put up with and what my priorities are. I've spent the last few years playing someone else's game out of a desire to fit in and fear of losing out on something that I really wanted. The spiritual experience of this past year has been all about learning to return to myself and be true to my own inner journey instead of kowtowing to others. And in true Faye fashion, I've had to learn that the hard way!

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