Wednesday, November 20, 2013

patterns and life lessons

Do you ever catch yourself repeating the same patterns in your life?

I do.

A lot! In fact, I catch myself doing this the most in my friendships. While all my friends are different from one another, there is this weird overlapping in "types" of people that I do in my life.

National Museum, London
For example, I always have this one opinionated, hard to mix with others friend. First there was M, now there is G. I love G but she is very hard to introduce to others. A lot of people are put off by her because she can be so opinionated. And yet, she's really a wonderful person. But the combination of being opinionated and being very sensitive makes it hard to disagree with her.

I also have E who is a new type of K in my life. She is strong willed, confrontational, chatty, and fun. We have great, honest, spiritual conversations and I love what she brings into my awareness, even though sometimes she does so with a double edged sword.

And finally there is J, who is like R, who was like S. (Are you following me so far). All of whom have been some of my bestest friends. Amazing, kind, generous, soul mate type friends. While at the same time being unreliable, thoughtless, and driving me batty types of friends. You know, if they were just one or the other, you'd keep them or ditch them, but the combination of the two keeps you coming back for more. And I do. Every single time. Even after the friendship is over because it makes me sad to lose these people in my life because when they're good friends, they're amazing friends. You know? They're the kind of friends who just get you and yet, can take the most advantage of you.

more National Museum
This overlap in types, particularly the last one, has gotten me thinking a lot about what I'm supposed to be learning. Because honestly, if I keep repeating the pattern, I think there's a reason for it and there's a lesson to be had from it karmically.

What I'm trying to figure out right now, is what that lesson is meant to be. Is it:

  • Learning to set boundaries
  • Letting go and not beating a dead horse
  • Accepting others for who they are
  • Not letting others treat me poorly

I feel like the answer is somewhere in between all four answers, and yet, I'm driving myself crazy with it. If I were watching anyone else in this situation, I tell them to drop the friend because that person treats them so poorly, and yet, I recognize in my own friendship that while I am being treated poorly, there are still things I love about the friendship in question.

And therein lays the problem. In typical Faye reaction, I am loathe to let go of something that I still love even if I know that it isn't necessarily in my best interest to keep it. The fact that I keep repeating this theme in my life obviously means that it's one of those big life lessons I need to master. But damn it, I'm really struggling with it!

What patterns seem to repeat in your life and what do you suspect you're supposed to be learning from them?


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