Tuesday, January 13, 2015

2015: Joy & Other Things

So I turned 38 yesterday. How crazy is that?

Well ok, for you maybe that doesn't seem so crazy but for me it is. 40 is around the corner. Don't worry, I'm not having an existential crisis over it but just a little awed that I'm approaching my middle age.

As I write this, I'm waiting for a grad school friend to give birth, which makes it even odder when you think about it. We are a generation of women having babies in our almost middle age. Life is funny. My grandmother had my father when she was 20, my mother had me at 25 and I had Baby Faye at 36. I literally could be a grandmother but instead, I'm a mother.

What a trip. Hell, all of 2014 and most of 2013 was a crazy ride. One that I sometimes wish I'd done at a much younger age because I don't really know that motherhood in our middle age (or almost middle age) is ideal. (Says the woman who did so). Sometimes I naively think that if I was younger I'd have had more energy and been better able to roll with the roller coaster ride of it all.

But who the hell am I kidding. It would have been hard. Maybe different hard, but still hard. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't change it. This is my journey and I'm happy to be on it. But it's easy to wonder some days about the other ways I could have traveled it, you know?

By the way, in case you're wondering, this is one of those meandering, going no where specific types of posts!

So 38. Toddlers. Motherhood. Paganism. I can safely say that at 18 months (1.5 years for the non parents), life is starting to feel a bit more "normal" again. It took fucking long enough. Seriously. Some days I felt like there would never be real "me" time again. But I'm starting to eke out more balance in my days. Hopefully it'll last. (That's code for hopefully Baby Faye will continue to sleep in until 7 am instead of 5, thus allowing me to stay up past 9:30 pm and still feel human).

I decided that I'd my 38 my starting point for a new fitness routine. Right now I'm doing T25 because I like that it's short and gets me working out daily for now. I'd rather do 25 minutes daily than try to find an hour plus at this point in my life. I'm not worrying about food right now. Just wanting to get active again so that my energy levels are better.

Also decided that my word for this year is going to be JOY not forgiveness. After a rather miserable trip home for the holidays, it felt more a propos.

So I rung in 38 with a fun dinner out with some of my Montreal besties at a local Indian resto. Seriously, I love Indian food. But my partner only really tolerates it so I don't get it nearly often enough. Sigh. One of life's catastrophes really. That and his disdain for coriander and avocado. We really aren't food soul mates :(

Anyways, happy 2015. Here's hoping that sleep and balance will be better in Faye land now that we're out of the baby phase/back to work adjustment so that I can make it to this space more often. I miss making time for creativity and conversations.


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