Sunday, November 15, 2015

Breaking up and words as mantras

I'm not going to lie, I'm looking forward to letting go of 2015. It's been a hard year and I'm looking forward to it ending.

I'm looking forward to letting go off all the insecurities this year has brought and fully embracing the new strengths I've gained.

It's been a while since I've really done a word for the year. I don't know if one word really has rung true for me in a while but this year,  starting now instead of new year,  I'm choosing to find word(s) that nourish me and remind me of my worth as a person.

I'm tired of letting the bad stuff define me. I'm tired of letting my insecurities kill me. And I'm letting go of all the things and people who are toxic to me. This includes my mother.

Truth be told,  I've broken up with my mother. It's been years coming. I've held on way longer than I would have had it been anyone other than my mother. I'm not going to lie. It's heartbreaking and I'm reeling from the hurt and anger. But it's finally done and now I'm going to focus on healing.

And like any other break up that I've gone through I'm sure there will be good and bad days. I'm sure it'll likely take years for the wounds to heal. I may write about it here as this is the safest place for me to do so. Oh the ironies of the Internet and the anonymity of it at times. Some days it makes my world feel too public,  others it provides the cloak I need to be honest.

So anyways,  that's a snippet of what has been going on in my life this year. I'm off to find a word that will nourish my soul and be a balm to my wounded heart in the months ahead; a mantra and prayer to remind me to live and love with an open heart.

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