Tuesday, January 26, 2016

random updates jan 26th

Random thoughts:

Despite the fact that it has difficult repercussions on oil producing provinces, namely Alberta, I'm proud of Montreal region mayors for saying no to the energy east pipeline. I know that I'm part of the problem and that I live a fuel dependent lifestyle, but we have to start somewhere. I hope this signals the beginning of political leaders stepping up and making the environment a priority. The economy vs the environment debate is getting old and it's time to start debunking that narrative. They can coexist and even be mutually beneficial.

Also happy that the Assembly of First Nations won in court against the Federal government in their case claiming that the resources alloted to First Nations communities (education, health, etc) is discriminatory as documents prove that First Nations children are funded up to 35% less than the average Canadian school child.

Less political (though still somewhat political), I spent last weekend with students learning fair trade, employment equity, access to education and student refugee programs. It was amazing to watch youth engage and be part of that process. I love my job in so many ways.

Little Faye is embracing his toddlerhood with avengence. It's both amazing and exhausting! I love watching him become his own person but don't always love the process of his learning independence. Oh well, such is life.

Yet again, Mr Faye and I went through another bout of remember kindness is key in a relationship. It's so easy to lose sight of and let marriage become a scorecard of resentments and frustrations. This time however, Mr Faye was the first to address it, which made me unexplainably happy as this is not typical for him. It's so amazing to think of how far he's come in terms of emotional self awareness and ability to communicate his own frustrations/emotions. I mean that honestly, not judgementally. When we first met, he came from a family that never talked about anything and he kept everything bottled up. For him to start the dialogue is actually quite huge. This man drives me crazy and often I don't get parts of him at all, but I love him and that he's in it for the long haul and committed to doing the work; fighting it out.

My brother has sort of disappeared since the big reveal/school restarting. I'm trying to give her her space even though I know that she probably needs time to do all the things she's doing. From starting a support group, to seeing a social worker, to classes and work. But inquiring, big sister, busybody minds want to know what's going on!

Spiritually speaking, I'm pondering the nature of service to the gods. We often read the comment that Wicca is all about being in service to the gods, but I think that my understanding of that is changing rather drastically lately in favour of the service being a bit more of a symbiotic relationship that calls the gods to action through our efforts and rememberance. I'm still pondering what that means, it's kind of in the periphery of my brain, amorphous and just out of reach in terms of the language part of me that tries to communicate. It's a bit intangible but still lurking on the edge, teasing it's way into meaning.

Lastly, exercise. Yeah. I've been hit and miss but every time I work out, I am reminded once again of how much my body needs the outlet for my inner fires. Getting off my butt continues be a challenge however, despite the fact that I know this need for exercise is crucial to my wellbeing. Sometimes I am my own worst enemy, but I'm still plugging away at it!


Wednesday, January 20, 2016

3 lessons I've learned from working out

3 things I've learned about myself from working out:

If I want to be successful, I need to do it every day. (Ok, there can be a day break from time to time but only for a good reason). Why? Because I lose focus and drive if I take breaks. I drag my butt about getting there to do the workout. Once I start, I'm good. But I will excuse myself from doing a workout in a million different ways if I let myself get away with it. So while I might not physically need to work out every day, I'm better to do shorter, but daily workouts so that I stay focused.
bright red post workout, always.
no matter how in shape I get!

I'm pretty sure this might be a lesson that crosses over into my meditation practice and is something that I need to look at closely in terms of getting back to a productive practice that nurtures my magical, emotional, and spiritual growth.

I'm also pretty sure this means I'm going to have to start dragging my butt out of bed really early, every morning, to get it done.


Because the second lesson I've learned is that I am a morning person and working out at night is a recipe for disaster until I'm really in it and focused (aka, mildly obsessive) about doing the work on a daily basis! I'm realizing that I will feed my excuses, opting to crawl into bed or watch netflix instead of doing the workout. Pretty much every single time. Sadly, since my son wakes super early, this also means that I need to wake even earlier in order to ensure that I actually have enough down time to work out and shower before he wakes. Sigh. I never thought that 4:30am wake ups would be a reality in my life after I gave up slogging coffee to the masses.

Life is clearly enjoying a laugh at my expense!

I'm also learning that I need to harnass my slightly obsessive nature into positive outlets. AKA, workouts and nutrition. But that I need to ensure that I do so constructively not actually obsessively. This is always a challenge for me but I'm working it.

Lastly, as much as I bemoan the workouts and the early mornings, blah blah blah, they actually make me happier and a better person. My primary ayurvedic dosha is Pitta (Pitta-Kapha to be exact but Pitta pretty much sums me up to a T), fire, and I need the physical outlet to burn off the excess fire in my system. I've spent the past few months working through a lot of anger and learning just how much regular exercise helps me release that anger and fire in my belly constructively. The great irony is that I've read for years that my body type needs the exercise but it's only recently, after I stopped working out and had to deal with a lot of anger, that I really finally knew this to be true.


Monday, January 18, 2016

Commenting made easier?

FYI, I'm trying blogging without disqus. I may rue the change as some of the spam I get drives me bonkers, but I'll approve comments to try to keep it at bay.

Hope this encourages you all to comment more!  :)


diy eye make up remover

A while back I found a diy eye make-up remover on pinterest made of half almond oil and half aloe gel.

I finally got around to making it a couple weeks ago and I'm digging it so far. The aloe makes it cool on the eyes every time I use it, which is nice at the end of day but a bit of a shock in the morning when I've been bad and not taken my eye make up off the night before. I suppose I can think of it as negative reinforcement to unlearn a bad habit!

It's quite gentle and leaves a lighter film of oil on my eyes than my previous non eco/organic eye make up remover that I was still working on finishing (truth be told, I unloaded the old almay stuff on my brother turned sister).

Oh yeah, I guess I only announced that on twitter, not on the blog. My baby brother came out as transgendered over the holidays and is currently identifying as a woman. She will start hormones some time this year. Anyways, that's another story for another day.

Back to the eye make up remover.

Yes, I'm still using cotton make-up removal pads. Anyone have good alternatives to suggest?

I splurged on eco products, figuring that I didn't want any funky chemical by-products from the almond industry near my eyes, especially if I'm making the goods (oh the ironies given the chemical crap I was using before!).

It cost a little more to buy the products than to buy the pre-made stuff, but it'll give me 2 batches. So in the end, it works out to about the same price wise.

I definitely recommend it. It takes a bit more to get all the mascara off but I like that my eyes aren't as oily (the aloe and oil is still there but it's like water based skin cream, it absorbs faster).


Sunday, January 17, 2016

word updates

Writing really is a habit that has to be nurtured. Or at least, that's how I feel these days. I'm so out of the habit of writing that when I sit down to write, I'm never sure where to start.

I've been working on my manifesting my word in my life, with some hits and misses.

One of the ways that I really wanted to start changing my relationship with being open-hearted was with a group of friends who I hadn't spoken to about my mother's choice to cut communication. It was ok sharing, but oddly enough, it stirred up so much anxiety and vulnerability in me for days afterwards. Rationally I knew that the information wouldn't be used against me. I trusted them to keep the information safe and hold it in good faith and yet, I still had this anxiety over how I was perceived and with the feeling of having burdened them with my baggage. I've been trying to sort through those reactions and find the root of why this is. It's been an interesting process to say the least.

slowly plugging away at my first art journaled word for the wheel page

At work I'm working on being bolder and asking for projects and ideas that I'd like to initiate instead of maintaining the status quo. Everyone has told me, prior to asking, that the answers would be and have always been, no. That's not been my experience so far, which is great. Now I just have to follow through and work towards building my vision. Fingers crossed that the students respond positively.

On the other hand, I've been having some rough nightmares, full of anxieties and insecurities that are leaving me quite shaken up in the morning. And I definitely shut down during my birthday, letting my hurt and sadness define the day for me. Thankfully both my husband and a close co-worker weren't shy about telling me to get my head out of my ass (in a nicer way than that).

I also joined in on Ali Edward's One Little Word workshop this year (it's been a few years since I last joined... actually the last time that a word really felt alive in my year truth be told) and I'm looking forward to fusing her project with my own sabbat based take on the year.